Darkest Before Dawn by Stevie J. Cole Page A

and kiss her. I want to know what her soft skin feels like pressed against mine; I want to know what it feels like to have her—to take her in the most primal of ways… I close my eyes in an effort to regain control. I tell myself this is wrong.
    When I open my eyes, I lean against the door. “I will stay. And do you want to know why? Because whether you want to believe it or not, I’m not a bad person.”
    And really, at the core of it all, I am no different than her father.
    And she loves him.

13
Ava
    B racing his body weight with his arm, Max lowers himself to the floor. After he sits, he leans against the door, his stare aimed at me as he casually rests his arms over his bent knees. “I’m not a bad person,” he says, almost offended that I would think of him any other way.
    And I can say nothing because part of me believes him, and how fucking insane is that? Nothing I do makes sense anymore. I begged him to stay. It sounds crazy, but I just can’t take the solitude, and even though I hate him, his company is better than no one’s.
    Then again, there is something about him that’s almost caring. My mind begins to travel down a dark, warped rabbit hole. The thing about people like he and I—our normal is twisted and fucked up. And as ludicrous as this may sound: some bad people are actually good. It’s all a luck of the draw, much like being born into royalty. You become a prince due to your lineage, and sometimes you’d prefer to be anything but. It’s the same for criminals, well, some of them. I want to believe Max is one of those people who don’t belong in this world, but are in it merely from inheritance. I want him to be lost because I feel he’s too beautiful to truly be tainted. No, I want him to be lost because what terrifies me is the thought that maybe he really does belong to this darkness, just like I do, and if that is the case then there is nothing I can do to stop where we are heading… What the hell am I saying?
    “You okay?” The lull of his deep voice snaps me from my thoughts.
    Taking a seat on the edge of the mattress, I shake my head. “I just don’t want you to leave.”
    “And for whatever reason, I don’t fucking want to.” He laughs and I find myself becoming lost in the way his eyes light up when he does that. “Fucked up, huh?” he says, his smile quickly fading. And here we sit in an odd silence. Our eyes are locked, and pieces of me know I should break this stare, but a larger part wants to keep looking, digging deeper, hoping I will see something he doesn’t let anyone else see.
    He grabs my knee and my gaze breaks from his because I can’t look at him when he touches me like this. The gentle movement of his thumb as it glides over my skin feels too right. It should feel cheap. I want it to feel cheap because this—this, it makes me feel vulnerable.
    “I am sorry, Ava,” he huffs and I look back up at him. “I am…it’s just one of those things I have no control over.” His eyes fall to the floor. “It’s wrong, it is, to take you like this, but in this part of the world it’s business, you understand that? I promise you though, I won’t let anything happen to you. I will keep you safe.”
    And my heart does this little flitter because that sounded so sincere. Max’s gaze sweeps the room, stopping on the bed. “Do you need another blanket?”
    “Um, no.” God, this is fucking insane . Why am I even having this conversation with him? He is horrible. He is keeping me here…but…the way he touches me. He’s nice. He brings me things. He cares . Right? That is caring? Why else would you act that way when you don’t have to? I feel like my brain can no longer make sense of a damn thing. Up is down and down is up. Fuck!
    I’ve lost myself so deeply within my thoughts that when Max reaches for me, the sudden movement startles me. I panic and jerk away from him, and my back hits the cold wall.
    “Chill, Ava. I just wanted to touch you. Just…” His