Daydreaming of Silent Deaths by Marina Chamberlain Page B

there, A.”
     
    Then she kept walking and the others followed. Pa-the-tic , I thought. Charlotte has always hated me, ever since we were young. There was a time we used to be friends but things changed. She was focused on being popular and all I wanted was to not be noticed so we grew apart. Once she was on top, she made sure to make my life hell for not climbing with her. Although nothing can be worse than what I witnessed last may. No, you can’t think about it. There was nothing you could do.
     
    The bell rang and I headed back to my afternoon classes.

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
C h a p t e r # 3
     
    As soon as I left school I headed straight to the Roseberry Park in the outer parts of town. It’s not that far a walk from school and it’s a good place to think. Not about him. You can’t. I usually go there a lot to do homework or hang out away from everybody. There’s this beautiful pond in the middle of it that is wonderful to look at.
     
    While I was working on the English assignment Mr. Johnson gave us I noticed the park became awfully quiet. It’s nothing. I told myself without quite believing it.
     
    I had to write a paper about someone that I missed but I couldn’t really think of anybody. Yes you can. No, I can’t . There was just too much blood; there was nothing you could do .
     
    I closed my eyes.
     
    The truth is, I missed Allen. I mean I don’t think I really missed him but I felt so guilty I forced myself to. Maybe if I missed him, what I did would seem less bad. You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t miss him.
     
    I had to save myself I had to.
     
    I needed to forget what had happened, soon. It’s just too much, you can’t let these thoughts back in. I’ve spent all summer trying to get over that image. The blood. No, don’t think about him. He’s gone.
     
    “Shit.”
     
    I looked up slowly at the pond and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was no longer peaceful , something was very wrong. What was that? No. It can’t be. STOP IT! STOP!
     
    The pond was filled with blood.
     
    And there was a figure standing on the other side, Allen.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
C h a p t e r # 4
     
    I rubbed my eyes repeatedly. Clearly I was going mad. I closed them to think for a moment. Allen was dead. I saw him die with my own eyes. Yeah you did, coward. I’m not a coward. He can’t be here it’s not possible.
     
    What is wrong with me?
     
    I guess the nightmares from my past started catching up with me and I was really becoming crazy because when I opened my eyes again Allen was gone, and the pond was back to normal. All this summer I spent trying to forget about what had happened. I got drunk, I partied, I did everything I could think of to distract myself from the horrible thing I had done. Even though I hadn’t killed him it sure as hell felt like I did. The truth is maybe I’m not as strong as I think I am.
     
    I spent the walk home crying and trying to stop picturing Allen dead on the floor and the pool of blood that surrounded him. But somehow I could remember every detail of his death and how his face looked seconds before he hit the ground. I see him everywhere. Driving every car, walking every dog, just everywhere. The worst part was it looked so real, I almost believed it. I have to come clean. No. You can’t. What you did was horrible who knows what they’ll do. If mom found out you were dating that addict she’d never look you in the eye again. You have to stay strong.
     
    I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to scream or cry but I was already crying which brought me back to screaming. I got home and ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. What the hell was I supposed to do? I. Can’t. Get. Him. Out. Of. My. Head.
     
    Opening up the medicine cabinet I took a blade and started cutting my left arm right next to my knuckles. Oh the pain. Finally I could think of something