Dead Push (Kiera Hudson Series Two#7) by Tim O'Rourke

truly did. Killing to me was as natural as breathing air. The cravings were always there, sometimes weak, other times, strong. It was like they rippled over me in waves. As I stood in line, those waves of desire to kill had grown suddenly strong, and like always, I didn’t know how long it would be until they faded again. The quickest way for them to go was to make a kill – but I didn’t want to do that anymore.
    “Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Lilly asked, her hand soft against my arm.
    I looked down into her sparkling eyes. She smiled at me, her lips red and full, snow white hair jostling about the curve of her smooth neck and shoulders. I looked away. I didn’t want her to see in my eyes what I was seeing in my head. I didn’t want her to see how much I wanted to take her – hurt her. Wolf or not, killing her would be so fucking sweet.
    “ Stop it ,” I told myself again, opening and closing my hands. They felt hot and clammy as I drove away the images of tearing open her white fur coat and enjoying myself on what lay beneath.
    “You did say something?” Potter said, swivelling around to look at me again. “I know this is like a really dumb question, but are you okay?”
    “I’m fine,” I growled down at him. “I just want to be left alone.”
    “That’s fine with me,” Potter said, looking front again.
    With Potter’s back turned to us, Lilly touched my arm again and said, “Jack, I don’t think this is such a good idea. I don’t think you should go back.”
    I brushed her hand away, I couldn’t bear her touch. It made my heart race way too fast and created those pictures in my head. Although I enjoyed seeing those images of me and Lilly together, I couldn’t risk looking at them for too long, or the mission would be over for me and Lilly.
    “Don’t touch me,” I whispered.
    “I want to help you,” she whispered back.
    “No, you don’t want to help me,” I said. The only help she could give me right now would be to let me take her then kill her. “I don’t need your help, Lilly Blu. I’ll be fine to go back through the cracks.”
    “If you’re sure,” she said, looking at me.
    Without looking down and meeting her stare, I said, “Is there a chance that any of my victims could be here, trying to get back?”
    “I don’t know,” she said. “Why do you ask?”
    “These are dead people, right?” I said.
    “Sure,” Lilly nodded.
    “So is my brother, Nik here someplace?” I said, not wanting to talk about those women I had once killed.
    “I don’t know,” she said. “He could be anywhere.”
    “Is anywhere like nowhere ?” I asked, and this time I did risk looking at her.
    “There are smaller stations that people travel through,” Lilly said, her eyes growing wide as they met with mine.
    I looked quickly away as I saw myself yank open her fur coat in my mind. “So I might never see my brother again?” I asked. “He might be dead to me forever.”
    “Yes,” Lilly said softly.
    “He was all I had left,” I said. “Nik was good for me. We helped each other. He is the only family I had left.”
    “You have Kiera,” she said.
    “She won’t want to know me, if and when this is all over,” I told her. “Kiera is too good for me. She’s better than me.”
    “Do you know for certain that’s how Kiera feels?” Lilly asked me. “You need to ask her.”
    “I need to keep away from her,” I said, still unable to bring myself to look at Lilly. I just wanted those images and thoughts that plagued me to stop. “I will just end up destroying her.”
    “You need to tell Kiera this…” Lilly started.
    Then, reaching into the back pocket of my jeans, I pulled out a crumpled envelope and thrust it into Lilly’s hands. “If I don’t come back… if I fuck up or something goes wrong… give this letter to Kiera for me.”
    Not giving Lilly a chance to say anything, I looked back at the line as Potter reached the ticket booth.

Chapter Twelve