Diary of a Wimpy Vampire by Tim Collins Page B

suck your blood.
        So how can it be that
          You sucked the life from me
            With rejection?
              It sucks.
    S ATURDAY 23 RD A PRIL
    Today is St George’s Day. There’s an ancient superstition that vampires are most active on St George’s Day. I was a pretty good argument against it today, as I did nothing but stare at my bedroom ceiling and reflect on how I’ve ruined my life.
    S UNDAY 24 TH A PRIL
    Now it is Easter Sunday, where everyone makes a big deal about somebody who came back from the dead 2,000 years ago.
    And what about me? I came back from the dead much more recently than that but nobody seems interested. Oh that’s right, I forgot, no one ever cares about anything I do.
    M ONDAY 25 TH A PRIL
    No school today, as it’s Easter Monday. Not that I am looking forward to the torture of going back and seeing Wayne and Chloe holding hands.
    Using my calculator, I’ve worked out that I’ve been awake for 30,717 days now. That’s 737,208 hours without so much as a snooze. No wonder I’m getting tired.
    T UESDAY 26 TH A PRIL
    A ray of hope has entered my life! Chloe has dumped Wayne!

    At lunchtime, I provided her with a shoulder to cry on, and found out the details. Apparently, Chloe saw one of Wayne’s sexist magazines in his bedroom, and said that she didn’t approve of it. Instead of at least pretending to throw it away, Wayne defended it and said that girls only complain about these magazines because they’re jealous. Chloe then dumped him for being a chauvinist.
    If only I’d told Chloe that Wayne was a sexist a couple of weeks ago, I could have avoided all that heartache. According to Craig, Wayne’s side of the story is that he dumped Chloe because she is ‘frigid’. I looked this up in a dictionary and discovered that it means she has a cold temperature. Just like me! This proves we are destined to be together!
    The playground was buzzing with the news of the breakup today, and Brian said to me that I should grab Chloe on the rebound. Although I’m reluctant to take romantic advice from someone whose girlfriend looks like an extra from Lord of the Rings , I think he might actually be on to something here.
    W EDNESDAY 27 TH A PRIL
    7 AM
    Today is the day I’m going to finally ask Chloe to be my girlfriend. I can’t risk losing her again. This time I’m really going to do it.
    The time of our dark union approaches, my beloved.
    8 AM
    Here I go! This is the last entry I shall write before finding true happiness.
    10 AM
    I waited outside the school gates for Chloe this morning, but when she arrived she was with two girls from the popular gang, who were grilling her for gossip about the split. When will these vultures let her move on with her life?
    11 AM
    I said hello to Chloe after Assembly, but she was late for Maths so I didn’t feel it was the right moment to declare my love. Timing is everything in the eternal dance of seduction.
    12 PM
    I am now sitting in the library and waiting for Chloe to arrive. The girls from the popular gang never come here at lunchtime, so I’m certain she’ll be alone this time. I’m so nervous I’ve chewed off my entire fingernail and I’m currently waiting for it to grow back.
    2 PM
    I did it! I asked Chloe to be my girlfriend! And - she said she’d think about it! Brilliant! I think.
    In truth, at first she seemed rather embarrassed by my request, and said that she didn’t want to jump into a relationship so soon after finishing with Wayne. I said I knew she was worried that Wayne would be upset to see her getting over him so quickly, but that she should put her bad experience behind her and follow her heart. She seemed swayed by my argument, and told me she’d consider it and let me know her answer tomorrow.
    12 PM
    Tomorrow will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Ever since I got home, I’ve been lying in bed and wondering what Chloe will say. I wish I had vampire