Diary of an Assistant Mistress by Teri Power Page B

giggles.
    I have learnt not to be embarrassed in her company. I find I look forward to seeing her every month. Perhaps ... Well just perhaps really.
    Saturday 14th May
    Shopping at Safeways. I still can't bring myself to shop on Sundays even if it isn't my sabbath. I suppose it is the feeling that people will start finding it convenient to have the schools open on Sunday to look after the kids while they go shopping.
    Sunday 15th May
    The boy from the flat next door was in the garden this afternoon, saying,"They never give me any food."
    I had a chat with him and it turned out that what he meant was that he didn't eat his greens at lunchtime. Just as well I didn't ring social services first.
    Monday 16th May
    During period 4 my chronic pharyngitis struck with a vengeance and my voice just vanished. It was the day of the aural control of course. This meant that my set had to listen to me croaking my way through a fairly incomprehensible piece about fjords (a word I can't pronounce at the best of times).
    Marking my group's work revealed that most of them had an impression that it was about a submarine ploughing through a field in Norway. I assume they don't expect anything which happens to them at school to make any sense anyway.
    Tuesday 17th May
    Still part of the silent service. This is a bit of a problem with my form who are anything but silent and find miss being incapacitated in any way highly amusing. It makes me realise why inarticulate people become violent - (or become Secretary of State for Education).
    I decided to do some "Attainment Target 2" with my first years this afternoon - what we used to call silent reading. I see from my copy of the National Cur that they are supposed to be reading the Authorised Version of the Bible and Shakespeare - but I think I will try to wean them off Enid Blyton first.
    Wednesday 18th May
    Saw the doctor, put an armlock on him and eventually got some antibiotics. Still voiceless. Attainment Target 2 is getting a thorough going over. Spent a delightful evening filling in SAT checklists. Must order a set of the Authorised Version of the Bible - that should take care of the total English capitation for a couple of months.
    James eventually took my croaks for mercy seriously, if somewhat grumpily after observing that he didn't see how it could make my throat sore except by a remarkable feat of bioengineering.
    Thursday 19th May
    Arrived in staffroom and started boasting about filling in SAT checklists. It fell to Clair to tell me that they have been redesigned and the new version was at the printers, so all my work was more-or-less wasted.
    The floor of the gym is covered with a canvas on which thousands have scuffed their soiled shoes and which has never been washed. The very best desks - with no grafitti at all: for grafitti might enable candidates to cheat - come out of storage. The exams begin.
    The pendulum has swung from exams to coursework and back again, but even when the coursework swing was at its peak, the annual exam ritual continued.
    Whenever an hour strikes it is greeted with a chorus of cheeping watches. Bless Simon Simonovitch: the only useful thing he ever did was to make the exam invigilation 35 minutes in length where once they were an hour and ten. It means more sessions but more sanity. At least the candidates have something to think about. For us the greatest thrill of the day is when Gavin puts his hand up for some paper.
    We are left to our own thoughts. Is there a God? Has man a future? What percentage of the pupils are dark-haired and wearing trainers? Will the Maths teacher who is relieving me ever arrive? (No).
    Friday 20th May
    Voice completely recovered. Surprised form by bawling them out. Surprised Pat even more as he arrived while I was in mid-flight and he was about to give me a formal reprimand for my failure to put a small "s" in each circle recording the absence of a child who is subsequently provided with a note indicating that he or she was sick