Diary of an Assistant Mistress by Teri Power

1st May
    A luxurious lie-in and lashings of orange-juice. We discussed the party. James confided that he had been talking to Tessa. (I didn't confide that I knew he had been doing rather more than talk and I thought on the whole he was wasting his time).
    Tessa claimed, in a hoarse whisper in the shadow of the staircase, that Clair was at dagger's drawn with Oz because Oz's wife had "found out" and Oz had dropped Clair rather unceremoniously.
    Every single item in this story was news to me. I must find time for a word with Tessa. She is in charge of the stock cupboard so it should not be impossible to manufacture a pretext.
    Monday 2nd May
    Bank holiday. We attended the local Labour Party rally. They are not so far gone on the "designer socialist" kick as to forget May Day. However, the main speaker was clearly the sort of reformist who - to use my mother's phrase - wouldn't say boo to a goose without consulting the opinion polls first. Personally I think I could designer better socialist with my eyes closed.
    John and his former curate were both there, hardly speaking but holding up opposite ends of the Christian CND banner.
    Tuesday 3rd May
    Cornered Tessa in stock cupboard. She didn't know anything about Clair and Oz and apparently James' version of what she said was a little garbled. She had an idea that the affair between Clair and Oz was a figment of his wife's imagination and that Clair's indignation was at "the very idea" rather than the fury of a woman scorned.
    This sounds a bit more likely. In the cold light of day, I can't see Oz summoning up the energy for any extra-marital hanky panky or Clair succumbing to his advances, I will reserve judgement until I get a chance to talk to Clair.
    Actually I did talk to Clair today but it was about swapping classrooms for period 5.
    Wednesday 4th May
    Well. According to Clair, it was all Oz's fault. He had not been having an affair with Clair (she did use the phrase, "the very idea!") but during a row with his wife, she had accused him of carrying on with Clair and he had chosen not to deny it - it seems he rather liked the idea, even if it wasn't true. A storm in a teacup, or in Oz's case probably a gin bottle? I expect so.
    Of course this does leave the rather intriguing question of where Oz's wife, who is not completely stupid as far as I know, got the idea in the first place.
    Thursday 5th May
    I was summoned to Peter's office today. Naturally pictures of all those things I ought not to have done scrolled before my eyes as soon as I got the message.
    However, it turned out that they have decided to overcome my dispute with Maths by abolishing Information Technology. The real subject is to be replaced with the fiction that every teacher is teaching "Information Technology across the curriculum" and I'm the Queen of Sheba.
    I am a little cross about this because I have built this subject up from nothing, persuaded girls that it wasn't a boys' subject and I rather like teaching it. Actually the pupils rather like learning it but none of this is relevant.
    The only reason for the change is that Maths is a National Cur subject and they can get away with the ITATC lie to satisfy the Technology National Cur. How any parent is supposed to believe that, for example, Oz (who is not of this century) is teaching Information Technology is beyond me.
    For Olive the clinching argument is that our local rivals Uruk High do not teach IT as a separate subject so we don't need to do so to 'keep up with the Uruks.'
    Friday 6th May
    I had a long chat with Oz about what action I could take to safeguard IT. A brief summary of his answer would be "nothing," which is more or less what I thought.
    He has other things on his mind, in fact. It seems, not to put too fine a point on it, his wife has decided on a Lysistrata strike. By the time he had called her a bitch for the third time, I felt constrained to remark mildly, "What does that make you? A gay dog, or a man who wants to have sex with