Dogfight by Calvin Trillin Page A

all, this first debate was heavy going.
    Statistics fail to get the juices flowing.
    It got so thick, so lacking in one-liners,
    Some people fell asleep in their recliners.
    Of those awake when all was said and done,
    Most had this thought: The challenger had won.
    Mitt’s answers, whether factual or not,
    Were clear and crisp, and all those answers got
    Delivered with a quite commanding style.
    The President seemed listless all the while—
    Less certain of the points that he would share
    And wishing he were anyplace but there.
    So Democrats looked on with some dismay.
    “The President,” some said, “is MIA.”
    No traps were sprung; no knockout blows were struck.
    But Mitt’s campaign at last had got unstuck.
    In spin-room chats, his men were all aglow.
    Barack, they said, no longer had Big Mo.
    The press found this a scrumptious dish to swallow.
    It meant there was a horse race still to follow.
    So in the dozen days folks had to wait
    To watch once more those two men in debate
    They tuned to cable, hearing pundits speak
    On why Barack Obama’d been so weak,
    And why the man had even failed to mention
    The Mitt remarks that riled up such contention:
    That video, sent Democrats from heaven,
    In which Mitt says exactly forty-seven
    Percent of us play victims, with the goal
    Of living lives as moochers on the dole—
    A speech for weeks Mitt would not disavow.
    “Completely wrong” is what he called it now.
    ----
         Mitt Doesn’t Think That Nearly Half the People in This Country Are Moochers After All
    After weeks of acknowledging only that his 47-percent remarks were “not elegantly stated,” Mitt Romney now says that they were “just completely wrong.”
    —News reports
        He was, he says, completely wrong;
        To care for everyone is vital.
        He’s singing now a different song,
        And “Etch A Sketch” is that song’s title.
    ----
    With Mitt called winner of the first debate
    Republicans began to celebrate.
    Another job report was then released.
    That grim percentage had at last decreased,
    Though not at an accelerated rate.
    The figure now, at last, was under eight.
    “Conspiracy!” the right-wing bloggers cried:
    The numbers had been cooked, or maybe fried,
    To serve some liberal reelection goals—
    Exactly what they’d said about the polls.
    But soon they had no reason to complain.
    The President, reporting made it plain,
    Had lost his lead. The latest polls had shown it.
    In just one night, some said, Obama’d blown it.

31.
  
Obama Redux
    A message by the voters had been sent:
    They found Mitt credible as president.
    And now some Democrats began to panic.
    Was that debate, they asked, Barack’s
Titanic
?
    In this great orator, whom they’d revered,
    Had every ounce of mojo disappeared?
    And could, by chance, Republicans be right
    That he’d become just too used up to fight?
    The Democrats now found themselves conceding
    Obama’s standing in the polls was bleeding.
    As Biden’s night approached, they hoped that Joe
    Could staunch that, or at least could slow the flow.
    It’s possible that Biden got that done.
    Though pollsters disagreed on just who won,
    The veep at least had focused some attention
    On facts his boss had somehow failed to mention—
    Like how Mitt’s scorn for poorer people soars
    When he and fat cats talk behind closed doors.
    This veep debate became a little snarky,
    With Biden calling Ryan claims malarkey.
    They clashed on numbers and they clashed on facts.
    They clashed on who should pay how much in tax.
    ----
         A Simple Guide to Every Single Republican Tax Proposal Ever Made
        
(As verified by 178 independent studies)
        Sure, sometimes they call it supply-side,
        And sometimes they say job creation
        Is risked if our entrepreneurs
        Think profits get snatched by taxation.
        It comes to the same simple credo
        Around which the party has danced:
        If rich people pay less in