Dogs of Orninica by Daniel Unedo

wouldn't be able to get a place close enough to the beach to actually hear the ocean, but you know, maybe we'd hear seagulls or something? We'd at least get the ocean breeze.
    The pups hardly ever use the pool, I don't remember the last time someone took a swim in it. We might have to just leave the tarp over it all through summer, it just isn't worth the upkeep, really. They promised they'd use it everyday when we had it installed, but you know how fickle pups are. Ever since they got their iYglasses, they won't even think about taking them off, and they break if you get them even a little bit wet, so they don't go near the pool. They need to make iYglass waterproof already.
    Bib really wanted to have all these barbecue parties with the neighbors around the pool every weekend, grilling corn and making polite chitchat, but we're just too busy. If we are home on the weekend, we're too exhausted to leave the bed.
    I just started a new diet I heard about online, where you get to eat nothing but little vanilla puddings for two weeks. I think it's starting to work, I already feel like my thighs are chaffing less than usual. It's a really great diet because you can eat as much pudding as you want, and you don't even need to exercise. You should go on it too and we can be diet-buddies. I tried to convince Bib to go on it with me, but he just can't give up his corn chips and sour dip. Munches on them all day. He doesn't really have a sweet tooth like me. If this diet doesn't work out, there's an all-cupcake diet I'm dying to give a try. Actually, I really don't like vanilla puddings very much, so I might just switch to the cupcake diet anyway.
    The pups should probably go on a diet or something too, they're getting as big as Bib. I keep trying to talk them into eating healthier, but they get all embarrassed the moment I bring it up and leave the room. If I had more time, I'd make them packed lunches to take to school instead of letting them eat all those deep fried school lunches they serve them everyday. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't snack all day. I'm tempted to stop buying them all those snacks, but I know I'd never hear the end of it. No, the best thing to do is just to keep up my cupcake diet and lose some weight to set a good example for them to hopefully follow.
    It looks like the neighbors next door have a cat infestation in their yard, I'm really hoping it doesn't spread to our yard, I don't know how we'd be able to afford an exterminator.
    Life is hard, but at least we have our health.
    Love, Hatty.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

    Radio Personality

    Would you believe that liberal know it all, Harvey Fidelbrook on that talk show last night, droning on and on about giving aid to a bunch of wild Nureongi beasts? The only thing you can do with a wild beast that won't be tamed, other than shooting at it anyway, is put it in a cage in a nice little zoo and let our pups throw kibble at it.
    Oh sure, so they have their own 'language', if you can call the wacky noises they make a language. So I guess we can't cage up something smart enough to communicate verbally? Hooey. For all we know, carrots and lettuces can communicate verbally in some high pitched frequency our ears can't pick up. Can you disprove it? I didn't think so. Throw the Nureongi in cages and take their land, and then we won't have to keep hearing from liberals about how hungry the yellow bastards are and how much the precious little things need our help. The zoos will feed them everyday, they'd have a great quality of life. That land they’re squatting on has been going to waste for long enough.
    I'm still really freaking pissed off at that liberal bobble-head we call a president. How is it that, in all the time he's been running the country, he hasn't started a new war? Not even one measly little war. What does it take to push this guy's buttons? Can't he see all the crap going down all over the world? The disrespect being flung at honest hard working Orninicans by the