Edsel Grizzler by James Roy

how can you be my friend?’
    â€˜In time you’ll see that I don’t mean you any harm, Armandine, comma, Robert.’
    â€˜I told you before, I’m not Armandine, comma, Robert,’ Edsel protested. ‘I’m Edsel Grizzler. Or Grizzler, comma, Edsel.’
    There was a slight pause. Then the voice said, ‘Our tests confirm that you are last name Armandine, first name Robert.’
    â€˜Tests? What tests?’
    The voice went on. ‘Perhaps you’re wrong when you call yourself Edsel Grizzler. The previous two certainly weren’t.’
    â€˜No, they were Kenny Sampson and Hoagy Wendl. Or Sampson, comma, Kenny and Wendl, comma, Hoagy. I guess,’ Edsel added.
    â€˜Yes, it appears they came here by mistake. Their reactions were regrettable,’ said the figure. ‘They weren’t meant to be here.’
    â€˜But I am?’
    â€˜Of course. You’re perfect. And the confusion over your name is completely understandable.’
    â€˜I’m glad someone understands it,’ Edsel muttered.
    â€˜My tonal detectors show that you’re using sarcasm,’ said the figure. ‘Please don’t. It simply serves to confuse matters.’
    â€˜No kidding,’ Edsel replied. ‘Hey, am I dreaming?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜Unconscious?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜Dead?’
    â€˜You’re not dead.’
    â€˜In that case, can you tell me where I am, why I’m here, and how I can get back to where I came from? Please?’
    â€˜You want to return?’
    â€˜Well yes, of course I want to return! I want to go home! I’m supposed to be grounded. My parents will kill me if they know I’ve … come here.’
    â€˜Allow me to answer your questions in the order that you asked them,’ said the silver figure. ‘First, you’re in Verdada.’
    â€˜Verdada? And where is that, exactly?’
    â€˜Naturally it’s here, exactly. You’re in Verdada, so Verdada is here. Exactly.’
    â€˜I see,’ said Edsel.
    â€˜No, you don’t,’ replied the figure, quite correctly. ‘Second, you’re here to aid us in our main objective, which is to return all Lost Things to their rightful places.’
    â€˜Lost things like me,’ Edsel said crossly.
    â€˜You will revisit that thought,’ the voice said. ‘And third, you can choose to return to what you call “Home” at any time.’
    â€˜Good. Then I want to go home,’ Edsel said.
    â€˜Very well.’
    â€˜So can I go now?’ Edsel asked, taking a step towards the Egg.
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜But you said—’
    â€˜I said that you could choose to return Home at any time,’ the figure corrected him. ‘And you have just chosen to do so. But you can’t actually go just yet.’
    â€˜Why not?’
    â€˜Because you don’t know what it is you’ve chosen.’ And before Edsel had a chance to argue, the figure turned its back and pointed towards the curved wall. As it did so, an opening simply and silently appeared in the wall. ‘Follow me.’
    â€˜Wait – why should I? I don’t even know your name,’ Edsel said, remembering the Stranger Danger brochure his mother had once left lying on his pillow.
    â€˜If my name is so important, you can call me Man.’
    â€˜Okay,’ said Edsel, who, having worked through fear, panic, bewilderment, confusion and anger, had finally settled on blank acceptance. Whatever this was all about, he seemed to have little choice but to see it through.
    â€˜Do my facial features frighten you?’ Man asked.
    â€˜You don’t have any facial features,’ Edsel replied. ‘And yeah, it’s a bit weird, your face being all blank. I know it frightened Hoagy.’
    â€˜If I showed you what I really looked like, I think it might frighten you more,’ Man said. ‘But you have to trust me.’
    â€˜Why do