Elrod McBugle on the Loose by Jeff Strand

held up the lyric sheet, which clearly showed five yeahs after the eight babys .
    "Oh, sorry about that."
    "No problem. Once again, from the top."
    "Hit it!" Andy shouted.
    Scoopy blew into his jug. After six beats, the rest of the band joined in. "I JUST CAN'T STOP LOVIN' YOU, BABY! YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT 'TIL THE END OF TIME, BABY! IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU TRIMMED THOSE SNOTTY HAIRS IN YOUR NOSE, BABY!"
    I had suggested that last line as a joke, but they liked it and added it to their song. Go figure.
    We practiced every day after school for the next week, and our musical abilities improved from "utterly pathetic" to "utterly pathetic but with the occasional moment that at least doesn't make your brain shrink."
    "We're ready!" said Andy, the day before the talent show. "Everyone go home, get a good night's sleep, and wake up tomorrow ready to rock!"

Chapter Eleven Quiz
    1. Pick a song. Visit a library. Stand on a shelf. Sing the song. Loudly. How long did it take you to be thrown out of the library?
    2. Pick another song. Visit a fancy restaurant. Sing the song. Loudly. How long did it take for the head chef to come after you with a pair of crab claws?
    3. Pick a third song. Sing it in your head. Isn't that much better?

Chapter Twelve
    I WENT HOME, GOT a good night's sleep, and woke up feeling like I'd swallowed a power drill. My throat was so sore I could barely speak. There was no way I'd be able to do background vocals with my voice in this condition.
    Good. I was saved.
    My mom called Scoopy and told him that I was staying home from school, and to go on without me. But he arrived ten minutes later, looking grumpy and tired.
    "I thought my mom called you," I said as he walked into my room.
    "She did. But we need you, Elrod. You and me are the only ones in the band with any talent."
    "Scoopy, I can't do it. My throat is killing me."
    "But I wanted everyone to see me play the jug." He looked really sad and pitiful. "I spent all last night practicing. I can play that jug like Shrieking Seth can play the ukulele."
    "Who's Shrieking Seth?"
    "This guy. He plays the ukulele really well."
    "You can do the talent show without me."
    "But it won't be any fun! You're my best friend."
    "Why do you consider me your best friend, anyway? I throw paper airplanes up your nose."
    "I know, but it shows that you like to be around me. Most people don't. Come to school today, please?"
    He gave me a look so filled with pleading that there was no way I could refuse. I realized that, as lousy as Squirrel Rampage sounded, it was something that was truly important to him. I have no idea in the world why, but it was. And I wasn't going to let Scoopy down.
    But I also resolved that in the near future Scoopy and I were going to work on making him a little less pathetic.

BY LUNCH, MY throat was feeling better. Then somebody came up behind me and shouted "BOO!" causing me to let out a yelp that made it sore again. But by the end of the day, it was feeling better again.
    Classes for eighth period were cancelled, and everyone gathered in the auditorium. Those of us who were performing were supposed to wait in the backstage area, but as Scoopy and I headed back there Andy stopped us.
    "Bad news," he said. "We can't play."
    "What? Why not?"
    "The drums are still in my garage. I told my mom to bring them, but did she listen? Nooooooo. She's too busy picking up my stupid sister from daycare. So we can't do it. Sorry."
    "Sorry?" I was furious. "We gave up all our afternoons practicing with you guys! Why can't we play without drums?"
    "You can't have a rock band without drums."
    "Does anyone else have some drums that we can borrow?"
    "No, we already asked the band teacher. He said no because of that time in class when Colin was chewing on the cymbals. That's okay,