Every Tongue Got to Confess by Zora Neale Hurston Page A

back to de earth tuh git some more chalk.
    —L ARKINS W HITE .
     
    There was a man went to heaven and a man told him if he start to stealing he would go to hell. And he said, “Each person in the world has a lamp, and if your lamp is low you are going to hell.”
    The man seen that his lamp was low, and he went to stealing oil out of the people’s lamps, puttin it in to his—and he went to hell.
    —D AVIS L EVERETT.
     
    One time a man died and had uh brother, and his brother loved him uh whole lots.
    So after he wuz dead, his brother called up heaven on thetelephone and ast tuh speak tuh his brother. Peter tole him tuh wait uh minute cause he didn’t remember nobody of dat description, so he tole him tuh hold de line uh minute.
    He tole John tuh look on de book an’ see if dat nigger wuz dere. John looked but he said he couldn’t find no trace uv him.
    So he tole him he had better call up hell and see ef he wuz dere. So he called up hell and ast if his brother wuz dere, and de devil tole him, yes, he wuz dere, and had done got tuh be de head fireman.
    —C LIFFORD U LMER .
     
    Uh nigger died and went tuh heben de same day dat President Harding died. He walked up to heben and knocked on de door. Ole Peter says, “Who comes?”
    An’ he tole him, “One.”
    An Peter ast him, “Walking or riding?”
    An’ he said, “Walking.”
    They tole him, “We can’t take nobody in here walking, you hafter come ridin’.” So de nigger turnt round and went back.
    Soon after dat he met President Harding going up tuh heben. So he tole him, “You can’t get in dere walking, so you might just as well turn back an’ git something tuh ride.”
    Harding stopped a minute, den he said tuh de nigger, “I got uh good scheme, you let me ride you on up tuh heben, and when dey ask me if I’m ridin’ or walkin’, and I tell ’em I’m ridin’, and they’ll tell me to come on in, an’ I’ll ride you on in an’ we both will be there.”
    So he rode de nigger on up dere, and de Lord ast him, “Ridin’ or walkin?”
    An’ he tole him, “Ridin’.”
    So God said, “Hitch your horse on de outside an’ come on in.”
    —C LIFFORD U LMER .

During slavery time Ole Massa had uh nigger name John an’ he wuz uh faithful nigger an’ Ole Massa lakked ’im, too.
    Somebody got tuh stealin’ Ole Massa’s corn, so he sent John tuh ketch’im. John saw de somethin’ in dere breakin’ off de years uh corn an’ kep’ droppin’ ’em on de groun’. It wuz uh bear, an’ yuh know uh bear can’t hold but three years at de time. If he break any mo’ he’ll drop all over three. John saw ’im keep breakin’ corn an’ droppin’ one, so he walked up an’ picked up one uh de years an’ says: “Jus’ you break another one now and see whut I’ll do tuh yuh!”
    He thought it wuz uh man all dis time. De bear thowed down de corn an’ grabbed John, an’ him an’ dat bear! John finally got ’im by de tail an’ de bear wuz tryin’ tuh git tuh ’im, so dey walked roun’ in uh ring all night long. He wuz skeered tuh turn de bear loose cause if he did, de bear would git ’im. He wuz holding de bear’s tail an’ de bear’s nose jus’ almost tuh tetch ’im in de back.
    Daybreak Ole Massa come out tuh see ’bout John an’ he seen de bear an’ John walkin’ roun’ in de ring so tired dey wuz jus’ creepin’. He run up an’ says: “Lemme take holt of ’im, John, whilst you run git help.”
    John wuz so tired, he says: “Come here, Massa, now you run in quick an’ grab ’im jus’ so.”
    Ole Massa took holt uh de bear’s tail an’ tole John tuh hurry. John staggered off an’ set down on de grass an’ fanned hisself wid his hat. He wuzn’t studyin’ ’bout goin’ fur no help. He wuz too tired.
    Ole Massa looked over dere at John on de grass an’ he hollered: “John, you better gwan git help or I’m gwinter turn ’im loose.”
    “Turn ’im loose, den. Dat’s whut I tried tuh do all night long, but