Falter Kingdom by Michael J Seidlinger Page B

believe.
    But I get the hell out of the room, posthaste. It’s like if I stay there, everything will be second-guessed and ruined.
    In the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “When is it time to trade photos of ourselves naked?” Then I hate myself for being an asshole. That’s something Brad would do.
    I drive around aimlessly, up and down the neighborhood streets. I’m actually just happy, feeling like everything is perfect. Like life can be the shit sometimes.
    I can’t believe it.
    I drive for what feels like hours until she texts me.
    She texts me.
    I pull into the driveway, seeing that Dad’s home. I stay in the car and text her back. We have an entire conversation in text, with me sitting in the car, avoiding the fact that I’ll have to go back inside. I’ll have to face it. And every night it surprises me with something worse. I don’t want it to ruin this feeling.
    So I think about this instead.
    Reread every single line of the conversation we had because I can’t really believe it.
    â€œHey H.”
    â€œGlad I bumped into you tonight.”
    â€œMe too.” Winking smiley.
    â€œYou still there?”
    â€œLeft after the keg was tapped.”
    â€œYou up for something this weekend?”
    â€œI’m up for anything.” Heart emoji.
    â€œYou up for something tomorrow night? 7ish?”
    â€œMmhmm. Sounds good.”
    â€œSounds great.”
    â€œSounds perfect.”
    Here’s where I respond with a stupid regular smiley.
    â€œBuh-bye babes.”
    â€œNight!”
    Could have done without the exclamation point. Also, I don’t like that I was the last to reply. But still. There it is—proof that everything’s changed. Proof that it happened.
    Please be enough proof to steel my mood until I fall asleep tonight.
    I look up at my window and see that the lights are on. I turned them off when I left. Beautiful. But you know who’s beautiful?
    Nikki.
    I have a date with Nikki.
    Friday night.
    â€œMr. Warden to the principal’s office.” The way Halverson’s office goon says it, I don’t know, it just makes it sting so much worse, you know? I was in second period doing my best to just be myself, but since word got out about running and the demon on my back, I can’t focus on anything else. I feel like all eyes are forever on me, so I have to put up appearances like this is a twenty-four-hour reality TV show. That’s enough pressure, especially when you kind of want everyone to keep watching, but then someone gets on the PA and says those things. If you think being dropped off at school by your parents is embarrassing, being called to the principal’s office like some sixth grader is worse. I can’t look people in the eye on the walk to the office.
    But then everyone’s buzzing about what Halverson might want with me. I hear in the halls their whispers, gossip already starting.
    There’s talk about me being expelled.
    For running the gauntlet? Really?
    I hope not. I also don’t care. But then I remember what happens to people who are expelled, especially this late in the school year. Starting over at a new school for, like, a few weeks or something is like being sent to prison. If that happens, I’m finished. Like totally done. I won’t be able to go on.
    Think about something else.
    Think about something else.
    I have nothing in common with anybody but I still want them to like me, especially now that it’s all like this. They’re all watching.
    That’s a scary sentence: They’re all watching.
    Almost scarier than having to go home and face a demon that’s getting worse with each day.
    Last night... yeah, I’m not thinking about it.
    I’ll just repeat the excuse I’ll give Mom if she asks: I decided to rearrange my room. It was getting boring and dull the way it was. Things didn’t move, exactly. It’s just that things went missing and I