Fat Chance by Brandi Kennedy Page A

and into the kitchen, where I can already hear Janet and the girls talking and giggling.
     
    "Hey, guys!" They hadn't heard Rick and I come in; they whip around and Janet started squealing.
     
    "You really came!" She props her mixer on the edge of the bowl, and comes running over to hug me, unaware that Renee is stepping in behind her to throw more cinnamon into the cake mix. She's been finding little ways to do this since we were young, and no one knows if Janet has figured it out or not. Seeing this old family tradition, I laugh, and once again I am taken in; I am home.
     
    Rick enters the kitchen behind me, and in front of the family, he is charming and sweet, just as grown up and mature as they all told me he would be. Because of this, brunch goes smoothly, and we all spend the afternoon playing cards or board games together.
     
    For most of the day, I am able to make sure that Rick and I are not left alone. I help Janet in the kitchen, and I hold off on bathroom trips until I know that Rick is occupied. He does finally catch me at the end of the day, though, when we are the first losers of the card game and get trapped into washing the dinner dishes together.
     
    "Here we are," he says, washing a plate and handing it over to me to rinse and dry.
     
    "Mmhmm," I say, drying the plate, wishing I could slap him with it, for all the times when I was young that he made me feel horrible about myself.
     
    "Washing up all the dishes," he continues, passing me a glass.
     
    "Do you have a point?" I ask. I leave the glass in the sink, and bunch the little yellow dishtowel on Janet's pretty granite counter. Crossing my arms, I stand firm, though my inner child is still cowering.
     
    "Just that it's like old times," he chuckles, as if we're old friends. "Cleaning up the mess after the family piggy has her slops."
     
    "Yep. And just like old times, you're being an insufferable bastard." With that last statement, I leave the glass, and I leave the towel. I leave the kitchen entirely, and I tell Janet that Rick has offered sweetly to finish the kitchen so that I can get home before it's too late.
     
    I kiss my mama Janet, and I hug my sisters, then I gather my purse and dig out my keys. Making the necessary promises to call when I get home, and swearing that I can't stay overnight because I have to work tomorrow, I peek through the kitchen door one last time. Rick is washing furiously, scrubbing a cookie sheet in what looks like a vicious rage.
     
    "Thank you so much for doing all that, Ricky," I call sweetly, knowing how much he hates the nickname. "I just love that you thought of my safety so that I could get home early. Have a good week!"
     
    Walking out of the house, I know that Rick will finish the kitchen alone, and I celebrate my little victory. It's only one day, but for the first time, I didn't cower away from Rick, I didn't let him tell me who I am, or what I'm worth.
     
    For the first time, with Rick, anyway, I stood up for myself. I'm not thrilled that I had to do it in such an ugly way, and I'm not thrilled that I had to be cruel to myself in order to get the job done. It felt good though, even the nasty things that I said, because I got to watch his eyes grow wide with surprise, and I got to see a glimmer of respect in them.
     
    Driving home, I can let the acting slide, and I can be myself again. I don't need to be tough now, and I don't need an I-don't-care facade. I can let a tear slide down my cheek, remembering all the times I've heard Rick call me "the family piggy."
     
    I don't indulge myself for long, though. I hit play on my power list, and Christina Aguilera is with me again, the strength and power of her voice vibrating around me as I crank up the volume. Her words remind me that I am beautiful, that no one can hold me down, and that I don't need approval from anyone other than myself.
     
     

Chapter Thirteen
     
     
    I've put it off for as long as I could, but today is the day. I'm wearing the