Feel (Sense Series Book 1) by Ellen Lake

Part One
     
    I’ve known for the last two weeks that he’s been cheating on me.  My friends have inquired about my plans from here. I didn’t have much to say because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do anything at all. I’d suspected that Michael had been cheating for months now, and I was determined to find out the truth.  I painstakingly went though his phone when he was in the bathroom, and I even followed him from work.
    Every time I was confronted by real evidence that he was in fact cheating. Michael wasn’t even trying to hide it; at least that’s what it felt like. I think that’s the part that hurts the most; it’s been so damned easy to catch him. I didn’t have to call cheaters to follow him around, hire a private detective, or hack into his phone or email. It was all out there, clear as day. .
    Now I’m just sitting in my 1 bedroom apartment alone yet again tonight. He has claimed that he has to work late. His clients have become increasingly demanding lately. He can’t get enough of Becca and Mallory. Those are the two women that he’s seeing outside of me.
    It’s difficult to sort out my feelings about it all because I’m not sure how to feel. I’ve gone through a range of emotions and right now I just feel numb. He and I have been together for almost a year and I’m ready to settle down and start a family. According to him he’s ready for the same.
    I swear that I just go from one asshole to the next. Before Michael there was Jonathan. Jonathan was a control freak and he drove me absolutely insane. When he started to lay my clothes out for me every day, I knew it was time to let him go. Before Jonathan there was Paul. Paul was the ultimate macho douche bag and I couldn’t take him in public without him causing a drunken scene. Now I have Michael, and he seems to love the ladies.
    ‘What’s wrong with you Kerry?’ I ask myself all the time.
    The bottom line is that I attract horrible men. I love men that are full of themselves. I confuse cockiness for self confident and by the time I have figured out it’s all a mistake, I’m in love. Such a ridiculous vicious cycle and I’m ready to just call it quits.
    I enjoy Michael’s company whenever we’re together and I love him. Outside of the cheating he treats me wonderfully, has a great job, and an awesome family. I think that I’m going to just take what I can get because I’m no longer interested in playing dating Russian roulette. If I leave him, what will I get next? Probably a serial killer - just my luck I’ll end up dating a man like Dexter and end up dead in a bathtub in a pool full of my own blood. I know that this line of thinking is morbid, but it’s how my brain operates. I can’t help it. Sue me.
    In the grand scheme of things he’s a great person and I can deal with his baggage. So I’m not going to confront him about anything because I don’t want the blow up over it. I know that I have no intentions on leaving him so what’s the point really? At least I’m walking into this situation with my eyes wide open.
    I sighed as I took another sip of my caramel apple martini. I was just going to snuggle up on my couch and catch up on Dexter on Netflix. I hadn’t had a peaceful night in a while and so I intended to drink and watch television to take my mind off of what my idiot boyfriend was doing.
    Does that make me stupid? I know I’m not the first woman to settle for a man this way and I’m far from the last. Many women are with men that are cheating and they have no clue. I’m just not sure if there is anyone out there better for me. I want to explain this logic to my friends but they’ll never understand. They’re either married to their prince charming or independent and single.
    I’m not one of those women that would rather be single. Then who is going to take out my garbage, fix my light bulb, and screw my brains out? I’ve been single and it’s completely overrated. The whole ‘I am woman, hear me roar,”