Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories by Harry Dodgson

Even Bradan
was busy demonstrating his ability to lift heavy objects or reach difficult to
access locations. When lunchtime came, I gave silent thanks to Mary who had
saved me from experimental food by packing sandwiches for us today. I knew
where the hots spots were on Bradan and he didn't object to me using him to
toast my bread.
    I
needed to take a break and visit the ladies' comfort room. When I returned,
Felix was explaining how automatons could be used in restaurants to both cook
and serve your food right at your table. I talked him out of demonstrating this
as I didn't want Bradan smelling of burnt meat for the rest of the day.
Instead, I persuaded him to show how Bradan could keep track of recipes and the
directions to make soda bread properly.
    Around
three o'clock, some guy in a worn suit talked with Felix for a minute then started
shouting. "This is not an automaton! They are frauds! There is clearly a
man inside of that thing working the controls. I demand you open it up for all
to see!" He was dashing back and forth in front of us to draw attention.
    I
was expecting something like this. Nothing ever goes smoothly in my life for
long. I looked at Felix and he just shrugged. I looked around for the professor
and didn't see him either. That meant it was up to me to deal with this man. I
glanced down at my pistol to make sure it was ready to fire should I have to. I
don't remember why I decided to wear it when I got dressed this morning. It
certainly did not go well with my dress.
    I
addressed the crowd that was forming, "I believe I have been insulted and
slandered. Where is your proof?"
    "It
is obvious that nothing mechanical can perform the acts that you claim this
does. Everything it does is proof that there is a man inside of it."
    "What
would we have to gain? We are neither selling his services nor offering to
build more like him for profit. We are merely here to share our dream of a
better world. Are you one of those people afraid of progress? Do you fear your
wife might want a mechanical servant so she no longer has to spend her life in
the kitchen?"
    "If
there is no-one inside it, you won't mind if we open it up for all to
see."
    "I
propose that you are an empty man, and if we open you up, we will find nothing
inside."
    The
professor walked out of the crowd that had gathered. "Cedric, that is not
the way to get the secrets to how their automaton works. All you have to do is
be friendly and ask it."
    "You
get your information your way and I get it mine," he replied.
    "If
you continue this way, the young lady is likely to shoot you... and with good
reason. If you don't apologise to her, right now, and for all to hear, I may
shoot you too."
    "I
will not embarrass myself on behalf of a woman. She can go to Hell first."
    The
professor spoke up for all to hear. "I won't tell you again. You will
recant your former statements and ask forgiveness for slandering these good
people or I will tell everyone about you."
    Cedric
reached into his suit and pulled out a small pistol. He waved it around, as if
unsure about who or what he wanted to shoot. I was unsure how to respond. I
wanted to shoot him because he upset me, but that wasn't a good enough reason.
This man could hurt someone either intentionally or by accident. That was a
good reason. Someone had to protect the other people and I was the best one
here. I had been practicing with my revolver recently and could put the bullet
where I wanted it at short range. I put one into his right leg and he fired a
wild shot as he fell.
    I
addressed the professor. "How do you know this vile man?"
    "I
had him expelled last year for plagiarism." I gave him a questioning look.
"He tried to steal the work of others and claim it as his own."
    "What
was he trying to do here?"
    "I
believe he wanted to see how your automaton worked so he could patent the
processes."
    I
kept my pistol pointed at Cedric until men from the Royal Constabulary came to
take him away. For his part, he just