Fire and Rain by Andrew Grey

more. I need to find a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
    “What you need to do is stop blaming yourself for what happened and try to forgive yourself. Guilt sucks, and we can let it take over our lives.”
    “What do you have to feel guilty about?” Jos shot back. “You have all this, and you had parents who loved and cared for you. I bet everything was perfect for you.”
    “Then that’s a bet you’d lose,” Kip retorted and pulled his hand away. He reached for his glass, wishing like hell there was something stronger than lemonade in it. “We all have things we feel guilty about.” Kip stood and went inside the house. He closed the front door and walked through to the kitchen. He set his glass on the counter and placed both hands on the granite counters his mother had installed just before she died. It was his turn not to hyperventilate as anger and long-festering guilt rose to mix together in a soup of blackness.
    After a few minutes, he heard the front door open and close, then soft footsteps. Kip pushed away from the counter and opened the freezer door. He needed a pretense, something to cover his actions, and going for more ice seemed to work. He put an extra cube in his glass and then slid the tray home and closed the door.
    “I’m sorry,” Jos said. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just hard to make people understand sometimes, and I got upset, and….” Jos stared at the floor.
    “It wasn’t your fault.” An old wound that had been with him for a very long time had suddenly decided to split open in a big way. “Go back out with Isaac. I’ll be right back out.”
    Jos turned and left, and Kip went upstairs to the spare bedroom on the third floor. The room was air-conditioned and heated, so he used it for storage. Plastic tubs were stacked one on top of the other against the wall. Kip scanned the labels until he found the one he wanted. He moved tubs around until he got to it and pulled it open.
    Inside were toys. Kip found a few dolls that had been played with hard. He lifted them out and set them aside. He removed a stuffed bear and put it aside too. Then he found what he’d been looking for: a brown horse with a dark plastic saddle. He lifted it out and stared at it. Then he shook his head, put everything back, and slammed the lid back on the tub before wiping away the tears in his eyes. He pulled out the next tub and lifted the lid. Then he grabbed both of them and left the room, carrying them down the flights of stairs and out to the porch.
    He set down the tubs, and Isaac hurried over, peering inside as Kip lifted the lid on the top tub. “These were mine when I was a kid, and I thought you could play with some of them.” Kip pulled out various trucks and cars, setting them on the porch floor. Isaac squealed, dropped to the floor, and started pushing the cars around. Kip had needed a chance to clear his head for a few minutes, and getting the toys for Isaac was just the break he needed. And judging by Isaac’s reaction, the decision was a good one.
    “You’re going to spoil him,” Jos told him when Kip sat down.
    “He deserves to be spoiled for a while, and so do you,” Kip countered. He found it difficult to sit still and went back inside, returning a few minutes later with a plate of cheese, crackers, and grapes. He set it on one of the side tables and sat back down.
    “You’re trying to make me fat,” Jos accused even as he placed a slice of cheese on a cracker.
    “You’re too thin and you know it,” Kip said. “So eat and relax. Isaac is happy, and you’re both safe.” He sat down and leaned back in his chair, letting his eyes drift closed. Of course, as soon as he did, his imagination took over.
    “Why that grin?” Jos asked after a few seconds.
    Kip shook his head. “Nothing,” he lied. There was no way he’d admit that he’d been sitting next to Jos wondering what he’d look like without his clothes on and what he’d feel like under