Football Crazy by Terry Ravenscroft, Ravenscroft

before he could broach it with the Town’s new owner Barrel was out of the shower and had joined the others, and Donny was telling them to gather round. When they had he turned to Price.
    “ Allow me to present my squad to you, Mr Price.” He pointed to them in turn as he reeled of their names. “Moggs, Knox, Parks, Crock, Rock, Links, Jacks, Hanks, Higgs, Briggs, Parks, Brooks, Dicks, Cragg, Crooks, Cook, Hook, Lock, Stock and Barrel.”
    Price acknowledged the players with a curt nod. Some of them smiled a reply, a couple of them waved, but most just eyed Price with apprehension. New owners usually meant a clear out and none of them were ready for being cleared out just yet.
    “ It's a pity you didn't get here earlier Mr Price, you could have seen the lads practicing,” said Donny.
    “ I saw them kicking a ball about on t' way in,” said Price.
    “ Oh, I didn't realise. What did you think? Myself I think the lads are looking quite sharp for pre-season.”
    “ I thought as they were shite.”
    Donny was unfazed. “Yes, well I haven't had time to get a mistress yet. You'll see a big improvement when I do. Very much so.”
    Price either misheard Donny or more likely did hear him and couldn't believe his ears, but whichever it was he chose to ignore it and change the subject. He said, “What plans have you made for these players to have their hair cut?”
    “ But you’ve only just mentioned it to me, Mr Price,” Donny protested.
    “ When I give thee an order I want it carried out immediately, Donnelly. I've just been over an hour with t' club secretary here, what were tha doing then?”
    “ Well obviously I was coaching the lads, Mr Price.”
    “ If it were obvious I wouldn't be asking thee would I,” Price pointed out.
    “ No, Mr Price,” said Donny. “Obviously.”
    “ And if tha were coaching t' team tha were wasting thee time. And theirs. So when is t' barber coming?”
    “ I will personally myself see to it that a hairdresser calls round tomorrow, Mr Price. Early doors”
    “ Today.”
    “ Obviously, Mr Price.”
    “ And see as tha does.” Then Price had second thoughts. “No, I can’t trust thee, so tha can leave t' barbering to me.”
    “ No, you can trust me, Mr Price. Very much so….”
    “ Quiet!”
    “ Yes, Mr Price.”
    Without enlarging on his plans on the subject of the players hair Price turned and left the room.
    “ What was all that about us having our hair cut, Boss?” said Parks, immediately the door had shut.
    “ I am going to be completely open and honest with you about this, lads,” said Donny. “As I always am. What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that you've all got to look like the players in this photo.” He held up the photograph of the 1935 team. The players crowded closer to get a better look at it. “With moustaches and haircuts and kit like this.” He looked around. “And where's Higgsy? Where's my brave little right winger?”
    Higgs spoke up from the back. “Boss?”
    “ Well there's a strong possibility we might have to make you bandy.”
    When Parks saw the photograph his protest was both immediate and passionate. “I'm not having my hair cut like that, not for nobody!”
    Briggs was equally vehement. “Me neevah!”
    The other players joined in the protest. Donny raised his arms to quieten them.
    “ All right, all right lads. Settle down.”
    The players quietened down, but still grumbled.
    Parks hadn't finished. “Who does that bastard Price think he is!”
    “ All right Stevie,” ordered Donny. “Obviously you feel very strongly about this. All of you. Well if my lads don't want their hair cut like that my lads are not going to have their hair cut like that. Regardless of what Price says. Never let it be said when the chips are off the old block that Big Donny Donnelly doesn't stick up for his players at the end of the day.”
    The door opened and Price popped his head round. “Your office, now Donnelly.”
    He made to close