Forbidden Lessons by Noël Cades

up like that girl everyone always goes on about."
    "Lucy Martin."
    "Yes, her."
    Laura wondered what Lucy Martin was doing now. Had she ever made it to university? She must be in her early twenties now, it seemed ancient. Then she remembered that Mr Rydell was even older than that. When she was with him his age never mattered to her. If anything it was a thrill that he was so much older and more experienced than her.
    But now she thought about Lucy Martin, and felt anxious. Was she out of her depth?
    "Don’t worry about it, I’m sure he won’t let that happen," Susie said. "You’d have more fear of that with a Dunks boy not knowing what to do."
    "You’d better be careful yourself then," Laura said, referring to Susie’s own plans to spend the weekend with Darius.
    "Like I said, it’s solely for fun. We’re not planning an orgy."  

    * * *

    "Dear Diary, I don’t know if it’s safe to write my thoughts here any longer. I want to write more than ever but I find it harder and harder to write anything. And it’s not just about me anymore, is it?"

PART II
    Falling

    We that were friends to-night have found
    A sudden fear, a secret flame:
    I am on fire with that soft sound
    You make, in uttering my name.

    James Elroy Flecker

13. Losing control

    It was Friday evening and the day was drawing to a close. There was a whirl of activity as girls rushed off to be picked up by parents and guardians for the exeat. Some had to wait until Saturday morning if their parents lived further away, but school formalities were relaxed and there was a spirit of holidays.
    Laura felt strangely left out. She wasn’t sure why. She couldn’t wait to see Mr Rydell though she felt nearly sick with terror. It felt like an invisible curtain was coming down between her and everyone else, that she was moving to a place they couldn’t visit.
    Making her way up the path towards the groundsman's cottages was like walking the gauntlet. She had chosen a good moment to slip away, but it still felt as though a thousand eyes were upon her. It would only take one person to spot her and investigate and everything would be a disaster.
    But somehow, she made it.
    She knocked and he opened the door and she stepped inside. She had never been in the cottages before. The interior was quite spartan, much like their dorms. The school had apparently used similar fittings.
    It was strange to see Mr Rydell in casual clothes. Male staff at Francis Hall were required to wear a jacket and tie. Seeing him wearing something else was strange. It was like discovering another person: he had this whole other life that she knew nothing about.  
    "I’m glad you made it," he said. Then his arms were around her, and they were kissing, urgently. It was a relief as much as it was wonderful. It took some of the strangeness away.
    Laura still had her thick school coat on, restricting her. He slipped his hands inside it and pulled it down off her shoulders to the floor.
    Now she was free to wrap her arms around him equally, as he again pushed her against the wall. He moved his thigh up between hers, hard, and she nearly lost her balance.  
    She was pinned, she couldn’t move except to kiss him back and let him kiss her face, her neck, run his hands over her body.
    When he broke away his voice was ragged. "Christ, what you do to me. I fully intended to start by offering you a drink and just talking, but something overtakes me."
    She was breathless as well. Scared by the force of his passion and her own, and his strength and the control he had over her, but also thrilled by the way she was able to affect him.
    "What would you like? Wine? Coke? Tea?"
    She didn’t want tea because of the time it took to make it. She didn’t much like wine, but it might calm her nerves. Or she might drink too quickly and be ill. Coke seemed like the childish option.
    "Just water if you have it."
    He fetched her a glass, and they sat down on the sofa. The gas fire was identical to other ones in the