Force of Habit: A Falcone & Driscoll Investigation by Alice Loweecey

day start, Quinn?” She hit the Start button.
    “Discussing vaginal pH with my teenage brother.”
    “What?”
    “I drive him to school because it’s on my way here and I open at seven-thirty. I asked him about Homecoming, and he informed me that the expectation at school is that there’ll be one pregnancy after the Homecoming dance, one after the junior prom, and one after the senior prom.”
    “Good heavens.”
    “You know it. As I’m argh ing at him, he said, ‘Yeah, I know, use a condom.’ I said, ‘No—keep it in your pants!’ Trouble is, what with our father getting his chippie pregnant, I’m pretty much the only discipline he has now.”
    “What about your mother?”
    “She’s still dealing with dad’s affair and the divorce. That’s why I drive Wes, so he gets some male role model time.”
    “But vaginal pH?” Giulia jogged her copies into a neat stack.
    “Then he came out with, ‘But they say there’s a pretty safe time to have sex.’ Of course I told him there isn’t.”
    “He thinks it’s right after a woman finished her period, I bet.”
    “Yeah. Dope.”
    “Italian grandmothers used to tell women to eat broccoli if they wanted to have a boy.”
    “Can I turn around now?”
    “Oh, yes. I’ve covered everything up.”
    He pulled out the copy counter. “Come to the register, and I’ll cash you out. I used that exact same example—my wife’s Italian. Then I explained how broccoli alters a woman’s vaginal pH, how some women are naturally more acid or more basic...” He keyed the totals into the cash register. “Or more hostile or receptive to sperm. I topped that off with the tidbit that some women have very receptive fluids and the sperm can wait in there until ovulation, and then, even if they haven’t just had sex, wham! Fertilization.”
    “Tell him that some women ovulate on penetration, too.”
    “Good God. I didn’t know that.”
    “One of the perks of teaching Sex Ed.”
    “I’ll spring that one on him at the next opportunity. That’ll be four bucks for the enlargements.”
    “Your day’s been more interesting than mine, and thank you for not commenting on my face.”
    He practically whimpered. “It’s killing me not to. You’re always so quiet and nondescript. Wait—I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I mean, uh, that you, uh...”
    She wanted to wince, but the thought of the lurking pain stopped her. “Don’t worry. I know I’m not going to be the next Victoria’s Secret model. I took a self-defense class last night and my partner didn’t pull his punch.”
    “Man. I hope you got your money back.”
    “I did. But I’m avoiding mirrors for a few days.”
    “At least you weren’t discussing vaginal fluids at seven-fifteen this morning.”

“Giulia?”
    She looked around the filing cabinets. “Hey, Mingmei. What brings you up here?”
    “A messenger or something left this for you before lunch. We got busy, and I must’ve just missed seeing him. Or her. I couldn’t get it up to you till now.”
    Giulia took the brown-wrapped shoebox from Mingmei’s hands. “Did you know the new chef’s aprons would look so good with your purple hair?” She made a complete circle around Ming-
mei. “And do I point out that they’re—ahem—coffee-colored?”
    Sidney giggled. “Well, duh, Ms. Falcone.” Her mouth shut with a click of teeth. “Oh—I didn’t mean to sound rude. I’m sorry. It sounded like a joke—I apologize.”
    “Sidney, relax.” Giulia smiled. “It was a joke. You’re fine.” Sidney’s brown eyes returned to their normal wide-eyed state.
    Mingmei snorted. “A lame joke, too.”
    “You have no appreciation of subtle humor. If you’d only read something besides MAD magazine—”
    “Which is a classic of the comedic art.”
    “Let’s stop before we come to blows and Sidney has to separate us.” Giulia hefted the shoebox. Weighed about a pound. “I wonder why the messenger didn’t deliver this to me?”
    Mingmei