Formerly Fingerman by Joe Nelms Page A

imagining her as his new best friend and tour guide for the world he was about to enter.
    The time alone gave him an opportunity to try out a few clichés to help him get his bearings in this freshly minted reality.
    I should have seen this coming .
    Hmmm. Nope. Looking back there had been no signs of infidelity on Gracie’s end. They talked. They laughed. They rarely fought. She leaned on him when times were tough. Their sex life was good. Certainly, if we’re comparing individual scores, Brad’s wasn’t as good as Gracie’s. But as a theoretically monogamous couple, there had been nothing terribly obvious to indicate she was looking for more than he could offer. From what he could tell, she adored him. The truth is he should not have seen this coming.
    It’s for the better.
    Another swing and a miss. As devastated and angry as he was, Brad was still in love with Gracie. His opinion of her moral constitution had somewhat diminished, but there was no denying the attraction of soul mates and, even this far into the marriage, he still felt a bit of a tingle when she laughed at his jokes and kissed him before she got out of bed in the morning. Granted, he had grossly misinterpreted her devotion to both him and the institution of matrimony, but love is love, goddammit. It just happened to be buried at the moment by a dung pile of shame and self-pity. And once those faded, he was well aware that he would be left to deal with the raw nerves that had been exposed by infidelity. It was safe to say that a full and completely healthy recovery was a matter of years. Or decades. So, no. This was not for the better.
    Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
    Fair enough, but how strong did Brad care to get? He wasn’t all too sure he wanted to increase his strength in the first place. And since he didn’t have a choice in the matter, now what? So this emotional beat down was going to give him super strength. To do what? Take more beatings?
    This is why Brad hated clichés.
    â€œYou saw it all?”
    Just to be sure, Brittany asked him exactly what it was he was talking about.
    â€œThe murder or whatever. I saw it all. And I’ll testify.”
    â€œWhat’s going on, Brad?”
    â€œI was scared of Frank Fortunato. Remember?” He mimicked Frank’s I’m-going-to-get-you scowl. “So I lied. But now I’m ready to testify.”
    â€œJust like that?”
    Well, no Brittany, not just like that. Let me tell you about the DIY Kama Sutra clinic I witnessed on my brand-new nine-hundred-thread-count sheets this afternoon. Or the sound of a recently flourishing career getting flushed down the toilet once and for all. Or how it feels to have to trust a complete stranger with the rest of your stupid life, because if you stay still too long Zeppo Corleone is going to stick something sharp through the soft spot on the back of your skull. Shaddup, you.
    The just-like-that justifications were none of her G.D. business so Brad skipped ahead to the next action item on his agenda.
    â€œWell, there’s one thing.”
    â€œUh-huh.”
    This was it, right? It had to be. If not this, where would he go? What could he hope for? An open marriage with the utility workers who service his apartment? A promotion to Senior Chicken Suit Guy? Do they sell bulletproof wigs? No, thanks.
    â€œTell me again about the Witness Protection Program.”

Stump
    â€œDid somebody call for a plumber?”
    â€œWhy yes, I really need some help cleaning my pipes.”
    The Facial Action Coding System was developed in 1976 by Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen to taxonomize human facial expressions. The system defines and classifies various contractions or relaxations of one or more muscles of the face. These are called Action Units. There are thirty-two of them, and they can appear and be recognized in many different combinations. Today, the coding system is a standard tool employed by