From Hell With Love: A Secret Histories Novel by Simon R. Green

across the lawns, dodging in and out of the sprinklers and the misty haze they spread on the air. For such a beautiful bird, peacocks have a really ugly cry. Griffins start out ugly, and their behaviour borders on the disgusting, but since they can see a short distance into the future they make marvellous watchdogs. Just give them enough raw meat, and something nasty to roll about in, and they’re perfectly happy.
    I frowned as I considered the great hedge maze. It was constructed some time back, to contain Someone or Something that desperately needed containing, but it was all so long ago that no one now remembers who or why. When your family is as constantly busy as ours, it’s only to be expected a few things are going to fall through the cracks. Looking down from above, I could see a strange metallic construct, right in the middle of the maze, but absolutely no sign of life. Or movement. If you just stick your head into the opening of the maze, nothing happens. But it doesn’t happen in a very menacing sort of way. People who actually venture in don’t come out again. Now and again the family throws someone in that we don’t like very much, just to see what will happen. Sometimes we hear a scream, sometimes we don’t. So mostly we leave the maze alone.
    The Armourer wants to set fire to it, just to see what would happen. But that’s the Armourer for you.
    I enjoyed the view for as long as I could justify it, but I knew I was only putting off reporting in . . . so eventually I sighed heavily, and went down into the Hall via the winding back stairs. The Matriarch was waiting for me, and the Advisory Council. Of which I was a member, and a fat lot of good it had ever done me.
    Walking through Drood Hall is like walking through History, with all the centuries jumbled together. The long corridors are packed with tribute (and/or loot) from all the ages of Man. We’ve accumulated important and valuable prizes from every period of human civilisation you can think of, including several that never officially happened. We’ve got Sir Gawaine’s suit of armour from the Court of King Arthur; a section of the Beayue Tapestry that had to be confiscated because it showed a Drood in action (Harald would have won that war if so many of the family hadn’t been busy with an extra-dimensional incursion); and a whole bunch of family por traits daubed by important masters. Nothing but the best for the Droods. We also have the Koh-i-noor diamond, the original Mountain of Light from India. And very definitely not the one Prince Albert ruined with constant recutting. That was just a duplicate. The real thing was far too important to be trusted to royalty. The last few Matriarchs have used the diamond as a paperweight, and for throwing at people. I’ve ducked it several times.
    I sent my thoughts up and out through my torc, and made contact with Ethel. Joining my mind with hers is like plunging into a great clear crystal lake—comforting and intimidating at the same time. Ethel doesn’t operate on the same scale as humanity, though she likes to pretend. She’s your best friend, who will always know better than you, or a somewhat absentminded god. I guess that’s other-dimensional entities for you . . .
    Hi! Hi hi hi! Welcome back, Eddie! Shame about the hotel. How are you? Did you bring me back a present?
    “I never know what to get you,” I said. “What do you get the invisible and immaterial strange matter entity who has everything?”
    She sniffed loudly, which is an odd sensation to have inside your mind. It’s the thought that counts.
    “How is Grandmother? And the Council?”
    Still arguing.
    “Ah,” I said. “Situation entirely normal, then.”
    People passed on by as I strolled unhurriedly down the long corridors and passageways, wandering through huge open rooms and tall galleries. Most people were never quite sure how to react to me. I mean, yes, I used to run the family, but now I don’t. I’ve been declared a