Get Ready for War by Ni-Ni Simone Page A

don’t keep secrets. And obviously you are still performing tricks.”
    I blinked. “Trick? You wait one ding-dong-the-witch-is-gone minute. I don’t do tricks, booga-boo. That’s your department, Miss Trixie.” I shot London a look. “Get your pet armadillo before I skin her.”
    I eyed Rich as she stepped out of her heels. “You just don’t learn, do you? I thought you’d get it when London and I boom-bopped, dropped it on your head when you were upside-down in that ditch. But obviously that wasn’t enough. What’s left to do to you, Spencer? Peel your skin back and drag you? Is that what you want, Spencer? ’Cause you know I’ll bring it to you.”
    I raised a brow. “Bring it then, Crotch Rot.”
    â€œDamn it!” London yelped. “Will the both of you stop it?!”
    Rich rolled her eyes. “Well, she started it.” She eyed me. “I hope you’re satisfied. Now—thanks to you and your junkie girlfriend—we’re in the paper, again. I don’t do Gucci. Maybe a bag or two, but not enough to be called some Gucci clique. That low-rank skank could have at least said Chanel. Like Gucci, for real? How dare she?”
    â€œWell, how dare you !” I snapped. “Accuse me of being the cause of all this mess.”
    Rich stepped up in my face. “Well, she’s your friend. I don’t give a damn if she went to jail or not. She was up on some dingy makeshift stage in a funky neon-green skirt rapping about me. She must have lost her mind. And you stood there and allowed it. And don’t think her calling you dizzy is going to make us think you weren’t in on this. Because we all know that’s a term of endearment for you.”
    I tilted my head. “Oh, really? I didn’t allow Heather to do a thing. So let’s get that straight. And yeah. You’re right. Heather was my friend until she did what she did. And so were you at one point.”
    â€œLook, you two,” London interjected. “I didn’t call both of you over here for this.”
    I rolled my eyes. “And who are you, again?”
    London blinked. “Oh no, girlie. Don’t do it.”
    Rich grunted. “Mmmph. See. I knew it. I don’t know why you even wasted your time inviting this space cadet over here, any—”
    â€œI didn’t ask to be invited over here.”
    London snapped her fingers. “Hello! Hello! Public service announcement. This is a live broadcast! Both of you are here because we have a mess to clean up. And bickering back and forth about it isn’t gonna do anything to change it.”
    â€œAnd who are you, Oprah? You need to get your own crap right.”
    London blinked. “Oh, no this hooker didn’t.”
    â€œOh, yes she did,” Rich instigated. “She just called you a fat know-it-all in your own house. How disrespectful is that?” She turned to me. “Surely I must be in the twilight zone because the only two caught up in the matrix are you and Heather. If I’m gonna rock a headline, then I need to put it there. But that stunt you pulled was unacceptable. Sic her, London. Let this wench know.”
    WTF? Sic her?
    London’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets.
    I smirked. “Oh yes. Here, London. Here, London, girl. Yeah, bring it, Fido. Sic me. Bite me. I gotta special treat for you.”
    I looked over at Rich and knew her well enough to know she was holding back a laugh. A mess.
    London shot Rich a nasty look as if she was two seconds from leapfrogging up on her. “I know you’re not getting ready to laugh, Rich. I’m not an effen dog.”
    Rich held up her hands in mock surrender. “Look, let’s not get off track. Spencer came up in here and tried to divide and conquer.”
    I huffed. “Rich, please. You’re delusional. The only thing that divides you are them ham-hock legs and the STD-positive