Get Ready for War by Ni-Ni Simone

going to be leaving here then going straight home to cuddle with her man, was worth the torture I’d have to endure by being in her company.
    I freakin’ despised her knick-knack-paddy-whack-give-a-dog-a-bone self.
    She was despicable.
    And I would gladly spit nails in her face and set fire to her hair if opportunity rang my buzzer. I took a deep breath as I made my way down the long hallway. If I didn’t hate her so much I would have been able to appreciate how lovely their home was. But, whatever! She was the enemy I needed to keep close.
    I knocked on the door. And a few seconds later, it swung open.
    â€œHey,” London said dryly.
    I knitted my neatly arched brows together, stepping into her bedroom. I spotted Rich stretched out on a chaise. I gawked at her, then back at London. “ ‘Hey’? Is that the code word for an apology? Because the last I checked that’s exactly what you owed me. Or did you forget how you stepped your hot breath up in my face and threatened to crack my face just moments before we stepped out on the red carpet last week?”
    â€œWhat? Apology? Girlie, you had better lay off the gas fumes, ’cause you got me confused. I don’t owe you nothing but a moment of my time.”
    Rich grunted, crossing her feet at the ankles. “See. I told you. And she done came up in your house tryna get it crunked already. Girl ain’t even been here a minute and she’s already at it. Mmmph. Couldn’t be me.”
    I placed a hand on my hip and tilted my head. “What couldn’t be you? A virgin? Anti-easy? Save it. Talk to the hand. I have no time for your trampy foolishness today, Rich. Now back to you, London. You invited me over here, for what? I didn’t come here to be greeted by Hannibal Lecter’s twin sister, The Man-eater.”
    Rich sat up in her seat. “What? I’ma show you a man-eater all right when I beat your face in, ’cause I done had enough of you and your games. London invited you here trying to be decent to you. I knew you weren’t worthy of our time.” She looked over at London. “Please. She needs to go find herself the nearest train to jump in front of so we can be done with her.”
    I felt myself about to go off. “You know what, Beef Patty? Obviously you have a problem with me. But guess what? You two muskrats are irrelevant. So how about you go find a bridge to hop off of—headfirst.”
    Rich leaped up. “Oh, no this silly-willy dingbat didn’t. London, I’ma have to write you a check later because we’re about to tear this room up. I know she’s not tryna bring it to me today, or any other day. This ho’s the reason we’re in all this mess in the first place.”
    I slammed my purse against my leg. “ I’m the reason we’re in this mess? Trampalina, please! Are you kidding me? Has your brain been hanging outside all day? I didn’t do a hee-haw thing to you donkeys.”
    â€œDonkeys?” London snapped. “Now wait a minute. I—”
    â€œNo,” I huffed. “You wait a minute. I didn’t come here to be attacked by no wildebeest. I did not see Wild Kingdom posted up on the gate when I pulled up. But”—I shot a look over at Rich—“I did see a low-budget C-class Benz parked at the bottom of the hill.”
    Rich shifted in her seat. “Don’t look at me.”
    â€œWell, then why does the tag say ‘Rich’ on it? You forgot I was with you when you got that C-class. That was what you used to learn how to drive. My guess is you’ve been reduced from the Bugatti back to the basics. Now what, London?”
    â€œUh-uh,” Rich snapped. “No, you didn’t.”
    â€œUhhh, yes, I did,” I shot back.
    Rich stood up. “I suggest you shut your mouth and let’s get to the issue at hand. Apparently you don’t understand the rules of the game. Rule number one: we