Going Solo (New Song) by Brenda Barrett Page B

for the New Song Band. Remember how she almost committed suicide and they had to admit her to Ward 21 at the Cornwall Regional Hospital? That's Alice. Oh and don't forget she abandoned her daughter, little Mia, for ten whole years. What kind of a mother is she?
    Alice sighed. She realized that she was actually feeling distressed over imaginary conversations. She bathed and stood in the bathroom with the towel wrapped around her and brushed out her hair. She moved closer to the mirror and looked at herself. She was glowing. Her skin was smooth and had a dewy look. Her eyes had a little sparkle in them, and she looked surprisingly happy even though she was feeling apprehensive and fearful.
    Of course, Carson was the reason she was glowing. He was the only one who always managed to bring her back from the brink. He was her healer. She pulled on a green shirt-dress and grabbed her handbag. She was ready to meet Mia. She had concluded that she had to, at least, try to get to know her, maybe not as a mother—she had forfeited all rights to that—but as a friend. That should not be too hard.
    She was almost at the entrance to the community where Carson lived. She had not called but she was hoping that he would be home and not at church. She knew that back in the day, a big part of fellowship happened in the nights when church was over and persons would stand around in groups talking with each other. Some persons would even start some cooking in the church kitchen and various games would start up, usually dominoes. Some person's did not leave the Cedar Hill Church grounds until after midnight. To be honest, she missed that sort of camaraderie. It was a good way to really get to know fellow church members, when everyone's hair was down, so to speak.
    She suddenly felt lonely and had a longing for the old church days. It crept upon her: the memories of church socials with the young people, playing ring games, participating in bun eating contests, and having such a good time that non-church goers would be envious.
    She also remembered their Pathfinder Club, their version of boy scouts and girl guides. They would frequently go stargazing and hiking in the Cornwall Mountains, do wilderness survival training in the Trelawny Hills, and have beach days most Sundays. Those days were fun and she was almost surprised that she remembered. She hoped Mia had something like that too; it should add some richness to her childhood memories, something to plug the ten years her mother left empty.
    A toot of a car horn had her looking in the rearview mirror. It was Carson. He was in a tinted SUV. He rolled down the windows and looked at her, his eyebrows raised. He looked suave and urbane in his suit. She drank him in. He must have been shocked to see her there. She waved at him and started her car, following his into his driveway. He got out of the vehicle and came to her side of the car.
    "Hey." he looked at her searchingly. "You didn't call."
    "I know. I just decided that today is the day I would try to get to know Mia as a friend."
    Carson frowned at her. "Alice, remember if you are going to be in her life any at all, it has to be for the long haul."
    Alice nodded. Carson was looking at her so seriously she felt as if she were being tried for a crime. He stood at the door and searched her face for so long that she felt like squirming. He finally moved away. There was no mistaking that if she hurt Mia, she would feel the wrath of Carson. She got the message loud and clear without him saying a word. She felt a little twinge of jealousy. She wished she had had a father like Carson when she was growing up.
    When the front passenger-side car door opened, she saw a pair of long legs outfitted in the cutest red shoes accented with little bows. A slim little girl in a red polka dot dress emerged. She had a matching handbag in her hand. She slammed the car door and looked towards the car. For the first time, Alice saw her face to face: her daughter, the