Goldberg Street by David Mamet

combat the effects of the food . He, I saw him put butter on his steak . . .
    D: I've seen that, too.
    C: And salt . ( Pause .) Salt on everything. Sugar and salt. We put sugar on strawberries . . . ( Pause .)
    D: What about your mother? ( Pause .)
    C: She . . . my mother . . . ( Pause .)
    D: Yes.
    C: As a cook . . .
    D: Yes.
    C: How was she as a cook . . . ?
    D: Yes. ( Pause .)
    C: You know she died . . .
    D: No. ( Pause .)
    C: She . . . she . . . ( Pause .) She was the cook . ( Pause .) She, uh, (Pause.) she cooked as she was taught . What else could she do ? Nothing . What any of us know? Nothing. “Eat Milk. It's Good for You!” And alcohol . Drink . . . ? ( Pause .) He drank all night. That's how I was brought up. You, too. No—I won't touch it now.
    D: You don't touch drink?
    C: I'll tell you what else: I don't miss it. Not one bit. The hardest I think was caffeine. Aaaaaand salt . Well, it's in everything. I used to drink club soda . No. You can't drink that. It's salt . That's all it is. That's why they drink it. Youcan't lie to yourself. Because if you do, your body will inform you. If you're lying to yourself. ( Pause .) You see? ( Pause .) As it starts to cleanse itself it will inform you. ( Pause .) Cigars . You know me . . .
    D: Yes.
    C: Someone gave me one at Thanksgiving . . .
    D: Mm.
    C: An Uppman . I'd eaten too much. Eh? ( Pause .) My body was acid , so I craved nicotine . And so I told myself: “Waaal, it's a holiday ," as if it were a reward to poison my system . . . So I smoked the cigar . . . ( Pause .) I didn't even want it. While I smoked it I had to remind myself that it was a reward. I woke up in the night in sweat . My sweat stank of cigars. The sheets stank. When I washed them they still smelled. Your body's a machine. As trite as it is, it is true. If you don't change it today when are you going to change it? ( Pause .) Never . He died as he wouldn't change. He knew more than they knew. They killed him anyway. Why ? Because he was helpless. Because he was ill . Then he was at their mercy. And, I want to tell you, any time that that occurs your opponents will harm you. That's the nature of the world. Not me. Not me. My body is my friend. It does not want to do me ill. It does not want to be diseased. It is my friend. (Pause.) It is not my enemy. It killed my father. It will not kill me. It killed my brother —it will not kill me. It has killed many. will not kill me. It is my friend. My body is my friend.

Columbus Avenue

     

    Columbus Avenue was first published in the Village Voice on September 10, 1980.

     

    I felt the cold steel of a gun against my head three times.
    Twenty-six years we have been here. A tailor fourteen years before that here. Fifty-one years.
    And he's an Orthodox Jew, and his father said (when he was managing: when first we settled on a price; and, you know, we negotiated . . . but when we were done he told me): “I will never throw you out.”
    The boy, he said, “Before I do a thing we'll talk.” Today I get his letter in the mail. And I go there. I say, “You said that we were going to talk.” He said, “I thought instead of talking I'd send you a letter.”
    So what am I going to do? Where am I going to go?
    My customers are going to follow me? Can I ask them to walk for twenty blocks?
    If even he gave me a ten -year lease, at least then I could sell the business.
    So I said double the rent. Triple the rent, I told him.
    He has got a guy is going to pay two thousand a month, he says. And he's going to put in fifty-thousand dollars restoration.
    I told him, “How is he going to make the rent ?"
    He said, “He'll break his back. He'll break his back the first year,” (he didn't say “back") “and, after that, he fails , I've got his fifty thousand he put in my building, and I rent the place again.”
    It's like that the whole street: Things you don't want at what you can't afford, and nothing that you need.
    No services.
    Where am I going to go?
    If I was