Gratitude & Kindness by Dr. Carla Fry

seriously disabled and they become unable adults.
    It is time to draw the line. If your behavior is harming your child’s future, you need to take responsibility now for the precedents in your home. There is always time to make a positive change.
    Okay, so what is to be done to prevent and correct the entitle-mania? Let’s take a look at solutions that will focus on kindness boosters and gratitude boosters .
    Reality Blast Overindulged children with too many material items often fail to learn the skill of knowing what is enough. Because they always want, want, want, they are never fulfilled and are in a perpetual state of feeling empty and unsatisfied.
    How to Foster Kindness and Gratitude: Part 1
– With a Focus on Appreciation
    For the most part, parents do not enjoy cleaning the bathroom or cutting the lawn, and they do not get a monetary reward or special treat for doing it, either.
    Communicating to our children why we do unexciting home maintenance—get up extra-early to drive them to hockey practice, or make them peanut butter sandwiches cut diagonally without crusts—
helps them to learn to appreciate our efforts. This is the start of planting the seeds for our children being able to appreciate what not just us, but what others also do for them.
    It is okay and, in fact, highly beneficial to make it clear that we sacrifice time, energy, money, and other resources:
To make a happy healthy environment for our family
To demonstrate our love and caring
To show appreciation for other family members
Most of all, to show respect for each other
    Setting the tone and parameters around why you do what you do, and what is expected of all family members as a normal contribution to the family and home, and doing so without guilt, anger, or negative emotions attached is not easy. But it is a worthwhile and achievable goal.
    Examples of acceptable sharing:
“I have decided to rearrange my golf game so I can come to watch your performance. I am excited to come watch you.”
“I could go for a pedicure today and would like to, but today it is more important to me to help you with your school project. Let’s dig in and get it done.”
    How often should we share with our children what we do for them?
    This is a difficult one to define because it will be different in each family. The answer is, that it is beneficial to make regular statements, keeping in mind that over use will lead to our children tuning us out. We also want to avoid the risks of inducing unnecessary guilt.
    When you share your efforts with your children, make sure your words are:
Free of complaint. Do not say: “I always cut my workout short so I can pick you up, and all I get from you is a bad attitude.”
Free of guilt. Do not say: “I never get to spend any time with my friends because I have to take care of you.”
Free of anger and frustration. Do not say: “I’m sick of making your lunches when you don’t even thank me.”
Free of absolutes: I/you…never/always
    The 20-Second Sound Bite Rule
    At all costs, avoid the mini-lecture: this is a recipe for a BIG power struggle. Children in our office tell us that lengthy verbal diatribes from their parents lead them to feel angry, and that they are less likely to listen to the message, more likely to do the opposite of what their parent wants. They are also more likely to feel guilty by the end of the lecture. Most of our appreciation-increasing thoughts can be shared in a 20 second sound bite. Think about one idea at a time, and choose your words well so you talk less rather than more. After 20 seconds, stop speaking.
    Also remember to practice what we call mindful appreciation: notice what your children do for you.
“You didn’t have to bring me a clean towel when I asked for it, but I appreciate that you did.”
“You introduced me to your new friend, and I appreciate that. I want you to know that I noticed that you took the time to show respect by introducing me. Thanks, buddy.”
“Thanks for