Gump & Co. by Winston Groom

pounds of pig shit down in the mine, an the operation is runnin full steam night an day. We had to double the size of the plant just to keep it goin.
    Little Forrest is due to arrive for Christmas, but about two weeks before that they has scheduled the ceremony to honor us for our contributions to society. The whole town of Coalville is decked out in Christmas decorations an little colored lights an stuff – all run by our plant. Mister McGivver cannot come home for the celebration on account of he is too busy tryin to get the ship fleet built, but he tells me to accept the award in his absence.
    The day of the ceremony, I put on my suit an tie an drove into town. There is people there from all over – not only Coalville, but the little towns nearby an also a bunch of busses with folks representin civic an environmental organizations. From Wheeling, the governor an the attorney general has come down, an from Washington, they has come a United States senator of West Virginia. Sergeant Kranz has also come over from the army post, an the mayor of Coalville is already makin a speech when I arrive.
    ‘Never in our wildest dreams,’ he says, ‘did we ever believe that our deliverance was at hand – saved, as it were, by a herd of swine, an the ingenuity of Mr McGivver and Mr Gump!’
    The ceremony was takin place in the town square below the little hill where the mine entrance was, anthe platform was decked out with red, white, an blue buntin an little American flags. When they seen me comin, the high school band interrupted the mayor’s speech an begun playin ‘God Bless America,’ an the five or six thousan people in the crowd begun to holler an clap an cheer as I walked up the platform steps.
    Everbody there shook my hand – the mayor, governor, attorney general, an the senator, as well as they wives – even Sergeant Kranz, who was wearin his dress uniform. The mayor concludes his talk by sayin what a fine feller I am, an thankin me for ‘revitalizin the town of Coalville by creatin this marvelous invention.’ He then says everbody should stand for the playin of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’
    Just before the band begun to play, there was a slight sort of tremor in the ground, but nobody much seemed to notice it but me. Durin the first verse, the rumblin in the ground begun again, an this time some folks started lookin around kinda nervous like. When they got to the high part of the song, there was a third rumble, a lot louder than the first, an it caused the ground to shake, an a pane fell out of a winder of a store across the street. It was about now it dawned on me that somethin bad was fixin to happen.
    I had been so nervous that mornin when I was tryin to get into my suit an my tie an all that I had forgot to release the main pressure gauge at the power plant. Little Forrest had always tole me this was the most important thing to do ever day, account of somethin serious might go wrong. By now, most folks are still singin, but some is sort of mumblin to each other an turnin they heads to see what is happening. Sergeant Kranz lean over to me an ast, ‘Gump, what in hell is goin on?’
    I was fixin to tell him, when he found out for himsef.
    I looked up at the hill where the plugged-in mine entrance was, an suddenly they was this humongusexplosion! A big flash of light an flames, an then
KA-BLOOIE!
the whole thing done blowed up!
    Next instant, everthin got completely dark, an I thought we had all been kilt! But soon I heard a kind of low moanin around me, an when I wiped my eyes an looked around, it was a sight to see. Everbody on the speakin platform was still standin there, kinda in shock or somethin, an they was all covered in pig shit, head to toe.
    ‘Oh, my God!’ shouts the governor’s wife. ‘Oh, my God!’
    I looked around some more, an damned if the whole town ain’t covered in pig shit, includin, of course, the five or six thousan people in the crowd out in front. The buildins, cars, buses,