HARDER by Olivia Hawthorne, Olivia Long

of rage
    “Who was it?” he roared. “Which one of you did it?”
    “It wasn’t anybody from around here,” Rod, the bartender told him and walked towards Caleb with his arms held out as if Caleb were a rabid dog. “The police told you that, they never did figure out who did it.”
    “One of you fucking did,” Caleb snarled. “One of you fucking cowards did it and now you walk around here and look me in the eye like you don’t deserve to fucking burn for the shit you’ve done.”
    “Caleb?” I asked and pushed through the people. “What’s happening here?”
    “Brooke,” he exclaimed and looked at me, the rage replaced with raw pain. “I never wanted you to see me like this but it’s too fucking hard. I can’t stand it, I can’t fucking take it anymore.”
    “Come on, Caleb,” I said, glancing nervously at the people clotted around us. I put my hand on his arm and stroked him like I would a wild mustang. “It’s okay, we’re gonna get you out of here so we can talk.”
    Addy nodded her head and Gary stood next to her with his arm slung casually over her shoulder. I smiled and grabbed Caleb’s hand and he let me lead him from Murphy’s.
    In the cool night air he seemed to calm down a little. He was miserable though, one minute he had rage cycling across his face and the next I thought he was going to break down sobbing in my arms.
    “I’m going to take you home,” I told him and helped him into the van.
    “No, not there,” he said pleading with me. “I can’t go back there right now.”
    “My place?” I asked.
    “Not yet. I need fresh air. My head is so fucking stuffed with shit right now. I’m sorry, Brooke. I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”
    “That’s what friends are for,” I told him and helped him buckle his seatbelt.
    “What a fucking mistake,” he said softly. “What a stupid fucking mistake.”
    “What’s that?” I asked him just inches from his face.
    “Thinking I could ever be your friend, Brooke.”
    My stomach sunk. “What do you mean?”
    “I want so much more from you, isn’t it obvious? I fucking want you Brooke, but I don’t want to ruin you.”
    “Maybe I should be part of this decision,” I smiled but my heart was racing a million miles a minute and I felt adrenaline rushing through my body. “We’ll talk about it later though, when you’re feeling better.”
    I got into the driver’s side and let him direct me to a park across town.
    We got out and he took my hand and led me to a wide clearing. We lay down on the grass and stared at the stars for a long time, hand in hand. I figured he’d talk when he needed to.
    After a while he took a deep breath and said, “I miss them sometimes so much it hurts me, Brooke. It physically hurts me. It’s been three years.”
    “Who?” I asked, squeezing his hand and almost dreading the reply.
    “My wife and little boy,” he said and I felt as though a damn broke free as the weight of his grief washed over me. “They were killed three years ago today.”
    I’d known there was something damaged with Caleb Harder, and I’d assumed it was something similar to mine.
    But his was worse, so much worse.
    “I’m sorry,” was all I could say, but somehow that seemed like it was enough.

Chapter 16
    I t felt strange for me to see Caleb Harder so vulnerable in my arms. In the short time I’d known him, he’d seemed emotionally impenetrable and completely in control.
    I held him as he raged, then calmed and talked to me quietly, and then raged again. I wanted to cry for him, to weep for everything he’d gone through but didn’t want to scare him with my own outpouring. I remained stoic, keeping my own bubbling grief deep inside. I knew I would have time to express it to him at some point, but that night it was all about his heartbreak.
    His anger didn’t frighten me though. It wasn’t directed at me, but at life in general along with the cruel and horrible fates that had taken his wife and child from