didnât expect anything sudden. They would call her if anything changed.
She was noting how her motherâs breasts had shrunk away to nothing, actually watching the rise and fall of the nightgown, when things did change. All movement ceased. She called for the nurse. The nurse came, checked her patient and took off the wedding ring, giving it to Lesley in a brown envelope. In the taxi coming home a strange anxiety gripped her. She couldnât remember whether Mother had breathed in and not out, or breathed out, and not in again. It seemed terribly important that she should remember.
The day of the funeral was a blur in her mind, although she remembered being surprised that the room was full, having assumed that Mother had outlived all her friends. One detail only of the interment remained with her. A bird paused on the green mat beside the coffin. It flew onto the lid, then flew away, and there was a communal sound, not quite a sigh, from those around her.
Weâre so sorry . When certain people said this she wanted to ask why? Why did they feel sorry? They hadnât shown their faces in the last long weeks when her motherâs mind had deteriorated. Was that what they were apologizing for?
You were so good to her. This too was said by more than a few.
Had she been good? She had done no more than she had to. Knowing what she knew now, would she have behaved differently?
When the doorbell rang, she went to the front room, adjusting the curtain to see who it was. With some reluctance she went to the door. The outside air was icy, with a north wind.
ââMrs Flaherty?ââ she said.
ââNot to disturb you, Lesley, but I was passing and â¦ââ
ââCome in out of the wind, Mrs Flaherty.ââ
ââOh no, Iâm fine. I was just wondering if you â¦ââ
ââBut all the heatâs going out. Come in for a moment.ââ
She led the way into the back room, switching on the light, for the morning was dull. Mrs Flaherty took off her black woollen cap and shook out her hair.
ââI was just wondering if you would still be wanting me,ââ she said at last. She seemed very uncomfortable, fidgeting with the large toggle buttons on her coat.
With a start Lesley realised what was meant. She was about to say no, having more or less determined even before the funeral that a cleaning lady was no longer a necessity, but with Mrs Flaherty in front of her she hesitated. It occurred to her that Mrs Flaherty needed the money. Sheâd had three weeks without. Need had brought her here despite the embarrassment entailed.
ââOh, yes. That would be fine,ââ she said.
ââJust the same hours?ââ
ââIâll have to get you a key,ââ she said, thinking aloud. ââA back-door key. Would that be all right?ââ
Mrs Flaherty nodded.
ââWell, thatâs settled then.ââ
What was she waiting for? Was she owed money?
ââAm I owing you, Mrs Flaherty?ââ
ââOh no, not at all.ââ Her face reddened.
The Christmas present. Lesley couldnât remember what it was, but there was a present laid aside. Bought in September, wrapped, and labelled. She drew aside the curtain that hid the walk-in recess, and after some searching found the brightly wrapped object. Dutch Speciality Chocolate Chip Cookies, she recalled, feeling the shape of the tin through the paper.
ââIâm so sorry, Mrs Flaherty. What with everything. This was for you. I wonât say Happy Christmas, of course. Oh, Mrs Flaherty, please, itâs just a token â¦ââ she added, taken aback by the tears that suddenly were welling up.
ââIâm sorry, Lesley. I shouldnât be â¦ââ
ââNo, itâs all right. Sit down for a moment.ââ
The woman avoided the nearest
She was noting how her motherâs breasts had shrunk away to nothing, actually watching the rise and fall of the nightgown, when things did change. All movement ceased. She called for the nurse. The nurse came, checked her patient and took off the wedding ring, giving it to Lesley in a brown envelope. In the taxi coming home a strange anxiety gripped her. She couldnât remember whether Mother had breathed in and not out, or breathed out, and not in again. It seemed terribly important that she should remember.
The day of the funeral was a blur in her mind, although she remembered being surprised that the room was full, having assumed that Mother had outlived all her friends. One detail only of the interment remained with her. A bird paused on the green mat beside the coffin. It flew onto the lid, then flew away, and there was a communal sound, not quite a sigh, from those around her.
Weâre so sorry . When certain people said this she wanted to ask why? Why did they feel sorry? They hadnât shown their faces in the last long weeks when her motherâs mind had deteriorated. Was that what they were apologizing for?
You were so good to her. This too was said by more than a few.
Had she been good? She had done no more than she had to. Knowing what she knew now, would she have behaved differently?
When the doorbell rang, she went to the front room, adjusting the curtain to see who it was. With some reluctance she went to the door. The outside air was icy, with a north wind.
ââMrs Flaherty?ââ she said.
ââNot to disturb you, Lesley, but I was passing and â¦ââ
ââCome in out of the wind, Mrs Flaherty.ââ
ââOh no, Iâm fine. I was just wondering if you â¦ââ
ââBut all the heatâs going out. Come in for a moment.ââ
She led the way into the back room, switching on the light, for the morning was dull. Mrs Flaherty took off her black woollen cap and shook out her hair.
ââI was just wondering if you would still be wanting me,ââ she said at last. She seemed very uncomfortable, fidgeting with the large toggle buttons on her coat.
With a start Lesley realised what was meant. She was about to say no, having more or less determined even before the funeral that a cleaning lady was no longer a necessity, but with Mrs Flaherty in front of her she hesitated. It occurred to her that Mrs Flaherty needed the money. Sheâd had three weeks without. Need had brought her here despite the embarrassment entailed.
ââOh, yes. That would be fine,ââ she said.
ââJust the same hours?ââ
ââIâll have to get you a key,ââ she said, thinking aloud. ââA back-door key. Would that be all right?ââ
Mrs Flaherty nodded.
ââWell, thatâs settled then.ââ
What was she waiting for? Was she owed money?
ââAm I owing you, Mrs Flaherty?ââ
ââOh no, not at all.ââ Her face reddened.
The Christmas present. Lesley couldnât remember what it was, but there was a present laid aside. Bought in September, wrapped, and labelled. She drew aside the curtain that hid the walk-in recess, and after some searching found the brightly wrapped object. Dutch Speciality Chocolate Chip Cookies, she recalled, feeling the shape of the tin through the paper.
ââIâm so sorry, Mrs Flaherty. What with everything. This was for you. I wonât say Happy Christmas, of course. Oh, Mrs Flaherty, please, itâs just a token â¦ââ she added, taken aback by the tears that suddenly were welling up.
ââIâm sorry, Lesley. I shouldnât be â¦ââ
ââNo, itâs all right. Sit down for a moment.ââ
The woman avoided the nearest
Similar Books
An Absolute Mess
Sidney Ayers
Trouble
Kate Christensen
July 1914: Countdown to War
Sean McMeekin
The Lost Island
Douglas Preston
The Drowning River
Christobel Kent
The Stranger Beside You
William Casey Moreton
Tales of the Bounty Hunters
Kevin J. Anderson
Whistle Blower
Terry Morgan
The People: And Other Uncollected Fiction
Bernard Malamud