Haunted Heart by Susan Laine Page A

in his hands, the one he toyed with while avoiding Maggie’s all-knowing, womanly gaze. “Wow, that’s, um…,” she started quietly, clearly baffled. “That’s cute, I guess. Different, for sure. You’ve always gone after what you wanted before, no-holds-barred.”
    “I know.” Admitting this to Maggie was hard for Duncan since she knew his dating and sexual history pretty well. Not because she butted in his personal business but because she was his friend. Talking about the change seemed odd all of a sudden, even though he rationally knew she would never be judgmental, but simply surprised. Was he really afraid of her reactions? That made no sense.
    He shook his head in frustration and raked fingers through his hair. “It’s stupid. No, that’s not what I mean. It’s just…. We kiss a little, make out, but mostly we talk. I know a lot about him. Ruben doesn’t watch TV, not local or global news, and he barely listens to the radio unless there’s some soothing blues or repetitive trance music coming. He eats like a bird, but he likes to cook and bake. He’s fanatical about washing his hands after everything he does. He’s skittish and sweet and so very isolated.”
    “Um, okay.” Maggie frowned and worried her lower lip. “Would you want things to go faster?”
    “Yes. No. Yes. No. I don’t know.” Duncan banged his forehead on the desk, not hard enough to really hurt, but enough to sting. “It’s just confusing, you know. I mean, I promised him all the time in the world. That we’d take this at his space.” Sighing into the papers he was leaning on, he finally whispered, “He’s a virgin.”
    “Holy shit!” Duncan heard Maggie clap a hand over her mouth. “Sorry.”
    Duncan wasn’t sure if he could or should speak about what had happened to Ruben, though, since it wasn’t his secret to reveal, not even to his best friend. “He had a really whopping bad experience in the past, and he hasn’t gotten over that. When we kissed, it was his first time.”
    “Fuck, Duncan.” Maggie rarely cursed, so she must have been truly concerned. “This is big. This is serious.” Different from all his previous short-term affairs, Duncan finished the thought in his head.
    “I know.” He probably sounded whiny, and to punish himself he banged his head on the desk a few more times for emphasis. “The thing is… Ruben’s beginning to mean a whole lot to me. A lot a lot. But… I don’t know if I want him as a lover—or as someone to protect. I mean, he’s young and inexperienced, shy and scared. I’m older, I have a job, a career, responsibilities. How could we ever be equal partners in a relationship? Or would it always be like… like a guardian with his protégé?”
    “Jesus, Duncan.” The reproach was clear in Maggie’s voice, and Duncan wanted to bury his head in the sand. Probably the rest of him too, in shame. “He’s not your ward or your kid!”
    After a long exhale, Duncan straightened up and faced Maggie’s hard stare. “Yes, I’m well aware of that.” He tried to sort out his thoughts as they fired up, one after another, all trying to get his attention at once. But it was his heart that spoke the loudest. “I think I’m falling for him.”
    Maggie didn’t need to say anything out loud. The L-word was not one Duncan had ever even hinted at with his prior cavalcade of men. He’d been with loads of guys. None of them had lasted once the initial thrill had faded. The fault was his as well as theirs. He hadn’t felt the need to make a commitment, and neither had they. Duncan had never wanted to fall in love. He had never believed loving would change a relationship from the lust-filled haze. Now he knew love deepened everything, laid down roots, built foundations, and so on. But it was true he had never sought love for its own sake, never dreamed only of it.
    Sure, he worked for a romance publisher. That didn’t mean he was prone to the whole lovey-dovey way of thinking. He