Have Your Cake and Kill Him Too by Nancy Martin

sighed.
    â€œAll right,” I conceded. “Maybe he’s no angel. I won’t make excuses for Michael anymore. I did that for my husband, and now I know I only enabled his drug use. But, Richard, I don’t believe Michael is capable of killing anyone. If you want to devote your waking hours to proving otherwise, that’s your prerogative, but—”
    â€œHas he got you hypnotized or brainwashed? Do you see what he’s doing?”
    â€œHe’s changed,” I said. “At least, he’s trying to.”
    â€œAre you sure about that?”
    â€œI don’t know. I thought he was trying to get away from that life. But deep down, he loves his father, and he wants to be loyal. Michael struggles with this—this basic instinct to outsmart the system. I can’t believe he gave in to it.”
    â€œYou’re going to get hurt with him, Nora.”
    â€œI’m not with him,” I snapped. “I’m with you.”
    â€œYou mean that?”
    â€œYes. Absolutely.”
    Richard asked, “Did you tell him about the baby?”
    I flushed hot, remembering what I’d done in the dark less than an hour earlier. I’d let myself go. Forgotten who I was. And here was Richard trying to help me regain the part of myself I relinquished when I was with Michael. I said, “It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to know I’m pregnant.”
    â€œI’m glad to hear it.” Richard sounded tired. “For one thing, he’s got a new girlfriend.”
    â€œSo I noticed.”
    â€œI hope she knows what she’s getting into.”
    His sarcasm needled me. “You and I are together now, Richard. What more do you want?”
    â€œYou know what I want,” he said just as harshly, and pulled into the long driveway of Blackbird Farm.
    The house loomed ahead of us in the dark—a fieldstone farmhouse built during the time of William Penn and added onto in haphazard ways until the original structure was nearly consumed by more modern additions. The property had been in my family for generations, and now it was mine to preserve. Hanging on to such an old estate came with so many problems and expensive bills to pay that I was nearly overwhelmed just making sure the roof was waterproof. As the whitewashed fence posts flickered past us, I reflected that it seemed important to stay in a place where my life felt composed. Even when things were falling apart.
    When Richard swung the car into the gravel circle at the back of the house and stopped, I made no move to get out, but sat quietly for a moment and tried to piece together the thoughts I’d been fighting for several weeks.
    â€œI’m sorry,” I said at last. “I don’t know why. But I’m not ready to go to bed with you again.”
    Richard turned toward me in the seat. He was gentleman enough to smile. “I’ll admit the first time wasn’t the best experience, but it got the job done.”
    â€œThat’s not what I—”
    He said, “I can’t promise that we won’t have a few more mistakes the next time, either, Nora. But that’s one of the great things about creating a relationship, you know. Learning to be good together.”
    â€œDo you think we can?”
    â€œDon’t you want that?”
    I couldn’t stop myself from touching my belly. I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew right now was that my choice was going to affect my child, and I didn’t want to make any more mistakes.
    Richard shut off the engine, got out of the car and came around to the passenger door. He opened it and helped me stand, which turned into an embrace.
    Above me in the darkness, he said, “Let me try to convince you.”
    I smiled and hoped it didn’t look shaky. “I’m game. But not tonight, please. It’s been an awful day and—”
    He tried to change my mind with a kiss.
    There was no avoiding