Hiding In His Dreams by Jason W. Chan Page A

he was bummed
that the babies had been lost, but for some reason, he did not feel
the grief as intensely as Alyssa. He felt ashamed that he did not.
After all, the babies were his too. In fact, he felt relief. He did
not want to admit feeling something as loathsome as relief under
the circumstances, but he could not help it. Feelings are. They
simply are.
    Instead of focusing on the constant
yammering of his client, he stared vacantly out the open
window.
    He smelled something in the air. A
storm. A storm was coming.
    * * * * *
    The rain started even before he got on
the sky train to go home. It was a furious kind of rain, angry with
the whole world. It hurled itself against the window of the train,
splattering on the glass with a satisfying thud, like a kamikaze
bomber.
    I saw her bring you
dinner, Gordie had said. Alyssa loves you for you and not for your money.
I’ll never have that.
    Yes, that was true. She does care about
me, he thought.
    Not that there was any doubt of that.
And there was no doubt he cared about her. There was never doubt
about the love between them. That much he knew.
    He glanced around the train, and
noticed that he was sitting across from a wrinkly elderly couple.
They both had white hair, and were wearing tattered
clothing.
    They held each other’s wrinkly hands,
and kissed on the lips.
    When they looked at each other, Luke
noticed something in their eyes. Joy. That was it. Joy. And love.
It was not passion, but that did not matter. The elderly couple had
something so much better, so much deeper, and so much more
permanent. Mature love. Luke could tell just from the way they
looked at each other.
    This was the kind of love he wanted.
This was the kind of love he had read about in novels, but doubted
that it existed. And he was sure that this was the kind of love he
had with Alyssa. They had been through a lot together, and they
still managed to stay together.
    As he gazed at the old couple, a
thought came to him.
    No, a resolve.
    No. A vow.
    I am not going to let my fears cripple
me, he thought. I love Alyssa. And Alyssa loves me.
    Take a
chance , she had said. I shouldn’t have to convince you to marry me.
    She’s right, he thought. She shouldn’t
have to convince me to marry her. I should want to. And I
do.
    I’m going to take a chance, he avowed.
Screw the fears and doubts. Screw it all.
    Luke felt himself getting hot all
over.
    When the sky train stopped at his
station, he rushed onto the platform so quickly that he nearly
forgot his briefcase.
    He bolted in the rain, hurrying past
the stores, ignoring the blustery wind and the pelting
rain.
    He had let doubt imprison him for too
long. He would embrace love in all its glory.
    He would take a chance with the only
girl he had ever loved, and will ever love.
    I will propose to her informally
tonight, he thought. Then take her to Taylor Park to do it
officially tomorrow, when the rain stopped.
    A big smile enveloped his wet face as
he made his way to his apartment. He was even whistling when he
turned inserted the key in his door.
    He felt like a new man.
    He was whistling still when he went
into their bedroom. He examined the room and noticed that it looked
off.
    Items were missing. Alyssa’s
paintbrushes and canvass.
    At first, he thought that they had been
burglarized, but when he looked into the closet, he saw that it was
only half-empty.
    All his clothes were there. Alyssa’s
were not.
    Puzzled, he wandered into the living
room and saw a message written with care on the mini blackboard.
The blackboard looked as though it had been wiped several
times.
    I can’t be with you
anymore. A.
    Just A .
    No Love, A .
    Just A .
    His first thought was that this was a
joke. But Alyssa was not one to make jokes like this.
    Maybe she’s punishing me, he thought.
She’s punishing me for taking her for granted. She’s trying to give
me a good scare.
    Outside, he heard thunder, then saw a
flash of lightning out of the corner of his eye.
    He looked