His Bundle of Love / the Color of Courage by Patricia Davids

Body language, really. We have some wonderful handouts that explain all about it. Mick’s been doing his homework. I wish all of our fathers took as much interest in their babies as he does.”
    “There’s still a lot I don’t know,” he admitted. “I did pick up some books on parenting in the NICU. You can borrow them if you’d like,” he offered Caitlin.
    “Sure.” She wouldn’t admit to him that she couldn’t read. Reading didn’t make a good parent. Only love did that. Her stabbing headache made it hard to concentrate. She fingered the loose, white plastic band on her arm. Here was the only proof she had that this tiny person belonged to her and she couldn’t even read it.
    Nothing seemed real. Maybe if she held her baby this void she felt would fill with something—anything.
    She turned to the nurse. “I want to hold her.”
    Sandra shook her head. “I’m sorry, Mick has already held her today. Tomorrow you can.”
    Mick had held her. Mick had named her. Mick, Mick, Mick. Caitlin wanted to scream. This man, this stranger, was stealing her baby. His touch, his voice gave her daughter the comfort her mother should give her. The nurse smiled at him like he belonged here. Caitlin couldn’t bear to watch a moment longer.
    “Take me back to my room.”
    “Oh, Ms. Williams, that doesn’t mean that you can’t stay and visit with her.” The nurse laid a hand on Caitlin’s shoulder, but Caitlin shrugged it off.
    “I want to go back, now!”
    “But you’ve barely touched her,” Mick said. He took Caitlin’s hand and laid it on the baby, covering it with his own. “Hold her like this with your hands cupped around her. It makes her feel safe.”
    The baby squirmed. Maybe she didn’t want her mother touching her. Why would she? Her mother was a stranger. None of this was right. He was making it all wrong.
    “Let go of me!” Caitlin jerked away from him, but her armband caught on something. A shrill alarm pierced the air.
    Panic and fear crashed over her. “What did I do?”

Chapter Six
    “I need some help,” Sandra yelled. Within seconds, two other nurses were at the bedside. One of them pulled Caitlin away from the bed.
    “What’s wrong? What did I do?”
    “You pulled out a line that was in an artery. We have to stop the bleeding.”
    “I didn’t mean to. It must have caught on my armband. Is she okay?” Caitlin looked from face to face, desperately wanting to be reassured, but everyone was intent on the baby. No one answered her.
    “Please, is she okay?”
    Mick took her hand. “We need to let them work.”
    Caitlin focused on his stern face. “It was an accident.”
    “I know.”
    “I wouldn’t hurt my baby. I wouldn’t.” Yet, she had, just by touching her.
    Sandra spoke to Mick, “I’m afraid you’ll have to step out.”
    “Sure.” He turned Caitlin’s wheelchair toward the door.
    “No, wait! Let me stay.” Caitlin couldn’t bear to leave. She needed to know her baby was okay.
    “We’re in their way. We have to give them room to work.” He spoke quietly, but his tone brooked no arguments.
    Caitlin swallowed her protests and allowed him to wheel her away. She slumped in the chair and covered her face with her hands. A vast weariness pressed down on her, leaving her to feel strangely disconnected. Nothing was the way she had dreamed it would be. Nothing was right.
    Mick pushed Caitlin out into the waiting room. He tried not to feel resentment toward the woman seated in front of him. It had been an accident, he knew that, but Beth was so small. He and the nurses always took special care with her lines.
    Sitting on one of the chairs, he folded his hands on his knees. “They’ll let us know when we can come back in. Sandra’s really good about that.”
    “I want to go to my room.” Caitlin’s voice was flat, emotionless.
    “What happened was partially my fault.” He laid a hand on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her, but she flinched away from him.
    “Take