His Fair Lady by Kimberly Gardner

companionable silence. Mark had to admit, even if only to himself, the spinach-hummus-feta-wrap thing was pretty tasty. In fact he could have eaten a whole one.
    Josie polished off the last bite of her half and wiped her mouth with her napkin. Leaning forward, she sipped from the straw sticking out of her Pepsi.
    “So, Mark, why have you been calling me? And texting me? And stalking me in the cafeteria? If I didn’t know better, I’d say—”
    “I wasn’t stalking you in here. It was total accident that I came in while you were getting ready to eat.” Mark gathered the trash from their lunch and piled it on the tray, mostly to have something to do with his hands.
    “Hmm, okay then, why did you text me like four times today?”
    Mark felt heat rise to his cheeks. It was a novel feeling. Girls didn’t usually call him on the carpet like this.
    “I wanted to talk to you, but I don’t want to talk here. Let’s go somewhere else where there aren’t so many ears.”
    Josie’s brows lifted. “Uh-oh. What did I do?”
    “Nothing. But I don’t want to talk here.”
    “Talleo!”
    Both Josie and Mark looked up.
    Masterson lumbered up to their table carrying a tray laden with food. He plunked it down, nudging Josie’s mostly empty tray aside in the process. Sticking out one booted foot, he hooked an empty chair from a nearby table, dragged it over, and plopped into it.
    “Where’s your key, dude?” Masterson picked up one of three burgers on his tray and took a monster bite.
    “Hey, Dave, nice to see you too. No, please don’t be shy. Come join us. This is Josie. Joes, this is my asshole roommate, Dave Masterson. He mostly always acts like this, so don’t take it personally.”
    Masterson put down his burger and turned to Josie. “Hey, you’re in my astronomy class with Dr. Bitner.”
    Josie nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen you.”
    “You always sit with that blond kid.”
    “Kyle. He’s my roommate.”
    “Oh really?” Masterson waggled his eyebrows and grinned. “Does Talleo know that?”
    Josie laughed. “Kyle would be more interested in checking you out than he would be in checking me out.”
    “Really?” Masterson picked up the remainder of his burger and wolfed it down.
    “Yeah, he’s a huge fan of the Leopards. Goes to every home game. I think he’s planning on trying out for mascot next year.”
    “Huh, cool.”
    “In fact, I’m going to tell him I ate lunch with you. He’ll be totally jealous. What was your first name again?”
    “It’s Dave. But you can just call me St. Dave. They’re going to canonize me for putting up with this douche bag for the past two years.” He flicked a glance in Mark’s direction.
    Uh-oh. Masterson was flirting with Josie. Alarm bells began to ring in Mark’s head. If he didn’t get her out of there, and right now, she would fall under the spell of “The Masturbator”!
    Mark got to his feet. “Har, har. Guess you don’t need my key after all.”
    “C’mon, dude. I was just entertaining your lady friend with my sparkling wit.”
    “Yeah, right. Brooooom! Brooom!” Mark pulled the room key from his ring and dropped it on Masterson’s tray. “And make sure you don’t lock the door when you leave either.”
    Moments later, Mark pushed open the door to the cafeteria and motioned for Josie to go ahead.
    “What was that?” she asked.
    “What was what?”
    “That brooom, brooom sound you just made back at the table.”
    “Oh that. It’s just a little inside joke between me and Masterson.”
    “What kind of inside joke?”
    “Well…”
    It was hard to explain, and he wasn’t all that sure he even wanted to try.
    “If you don’t want to tell me—”
    “No, I’m just— It’s kind of weird is all. See, Masterson’s dad has this expression about cutting somebody else’s grass. It means trying to score with somebody else’s girl, or guy as the case may be. So whenever one of us sees somebody doing that, we make a sound like a lawn mower