Home is a Fire by Jordan Nasser Page A

know,” I sputtered. “I’ve just wanted to, and I thought, well… I just did it. I’m sorry. God. I’m really sorry. I should go.” I sat up in the grass quickly, ready to act on the urge to run away.
    “No. Hey. Don’t freak out. It’s cool,” he said, reaching out to place his hand on my arm, keeping me there. “If I were to be honest with you, I’d say… I’m glad you did it. I mean, I never would have. You kept your eye on the prize, right?”
    “Wait. What?” Did I hear that right?
    “I’m glad you did it,” he said, quietly. “Made the first move. I was too chicken, Derek.”
    I stared at him, dumbfounded. I wasn’t crazy! It wasn’t all in my mind!
    “Wait. What?!”
    “You said that already.” And he laughed, reached up with his hand and placed it on the back of my neck, and pulled me into him. The second kiss was soft and gentle, but the fireworks in my head were anything but.
    We pulled apart, slowly, and I couldn’t help but stare into his eyes as he looked into mine. “Holy shit,” I whispered. “Luke
Fucking
Walcott just kissed me.”
    “I’d like to do more than kiss you, but we’re kind of hiding behind a tree in a public park, and I’m about to freak the fuck out,” he said. He was serious. I could see the mix of fear and lust in his eyes, and I remembered that emotion all too well. I could taste his sweat on my lips, and I wanted more, but I knew he was right. We needed to hightail it out of there.
    “Yeah, sure, I get that. Let’s get out of here,” I said. We got up off the grass and walked slowly towards the parking lot. He kept his eyes towards the ground, but I could feel myself grinning for every gay boy on the planet who pined after that elusive man they always dreamed of but thought they could never get.
    “So… you wanna hang out?” I asked. I hoped. “Do something? Move in together? Would you prefer a spring or fall wedding?” I didn’t want this moment to end.
    He laughed at my attempt at humor. “Slow down there, buddy. This is all kinda new to me, remember? No marriage proposals yet, okay?”
    “Deal.”
    “I was thinking we start with something small. How about dinner this week?” he said. “I know a quiet place we can go, and the chef’s pretty good. My place.”
    “Sounds great,” I said. “I’m looking forward to it.”
    “Listen, I hope you understand. I don’t think I can go
out
yet. Dinner at my place is a good start, but can we take it from there? And sorry, but I have to be ‘that guy.’ Can you keep Bammy out of this? I’m not a greyhound like you. I need totake this one pretty slow. Cool?” He looked over at me, his jaw muscles clenching and unclenching. I remember that fear of the unknown, and of course I had to respect his wishes.
    “Absolutely. No Bammy,” I said.
    “What’s this?” he said, as he pulled the note from the windshield of the pick up truck.
    “Are you driving this?” I said. “But you have a Jeep?”
    “It’s in the shop. Scooter is replacing the alternator. This is my father’s truck. What the fuck? Someone left a note that says ASSHOLE.”
    “Really? Huh. I wonder why?” Oh, shit. Oh, shit, Derek. Are you really going to screw this up before it ever begins?
    “Some psycho wrote this rambling note that says I parked over the line. What a jerk! I had to. When I pulled in, the guy next to me was over the line, and I had no choice. It was the last spot,” he explained.
    “Oh, wow. Yeah, I get that.
Huh
. Wonder who could have left that note? What a jerk,” I said, in what felt like my most unconvincing voice.
    “Whatever. I’m not going to let some douche ruin my day. Not when I feel as good as I do right now.” With that, he winked at me, opened the door to his borrowed car and hopped in. “Catch you soon, buddy. And uh, thanks.” And with that, he was off.
    I watched his car slowly drive away and my knees began to give out underneath me. I couldn’t believe that all just happened. Am I