Horns & Wrinkles by Joseph Helgerson Page A

he kept that promise, except for maybe once or twice. Twice, maybe. And they said he tied fish tails together with string. Never did. I did that. He took the credit is all. See? And all that stuff about cheating at riddles? So what if he wasn't any good at 'em? Not every troll is. And so what if he liked to brush his teeth? Is that some kind of crime?"
    "I see your point," I said.
    By then Stump had forgotten all about being shy and was crowding me.
    "Duckwad wasn't anywhere near so bad." Stump thumped a foot down. "He just never had any luck with them calendars. He got his months wrong. That's all. See? That's why he didn't go looking for our fathers in time. See what I'm saying? He thought March. It was April. See? He wasn't any coward."
    "Are you saying he got turned into a human?" I asked, picking my words carefully.
    "Yes," Stump sobbed. "That. It might work out for you, but it's worse than lightning bugs up the nose for us. And the stain don't ever leave the family. Ever. Burned right in. But it's not fair for everybody to go around looking down their snouts at us 'cause of some calendar Duckwad didn't have any luck with. Uh-uh. Call that fair? Huh?"
    "Sounds like you miss him," I guessed.
    With that, Stump stopped talking altogether and turned his back to me, acting as if a poodle hair had landed in his eye. Even his poodle saw through that and gave his big ugly snout a lick to cheer him up.
    "I don't miss him at all," Stump sniveled, "not with all the dirty tricks he played on me. I just wish he'd known how to read a calendar, that's all."
    "What if he stood up to this Bodacious Deepthink?" I said. "Isn't that supposed to bring him back?"
    "So they say." Stump shrugged hopelessly. "But that will never happen. He's a human now and doesn't even know he needs to stand up to her. No, he's gone for good, but I didn't come here to boo-sa-hoo about Duckwad."
    That sounded like two or three lies rolled into one. While he was delivering them, he stretched his neck up as high as he could and checked all around us, making sure we were alone. Lowering his voice, he whispered, "I came to say that you better take your cousin home."
    He must have thought I was going to argue with him, because he wouldn't let me answer.
    "Yes, home," he went on. "That's what I came for. To tell you that."
    "You mean Jim Dandy doesn't need Duke anymore?"
    "Jim Dandy can use all the Duke he can get," Stump warned. "But your cousin might want to keep all the Duke he can. He might need it. Things around here might not be so safe for any Dukes, so make him go. He don't belong here, that's all. Bodacious Deepthink takes one sniff of your cousin and ... huh! I don't want to be thinking about that."
    "I'm surprised you're telling me all this."
    "Me too," Stump glumly admitted. "Helping out's a weakness of mine. My own sweet Mrs. is always saying it's so, but nobody bothered to tell my brother what was right. He was all the time hunting up shortcuts. Nobody said, 'Don't do that. Or that. Or that.' Maybe if somebody had, he might not be in the fix he's in. See? So you got to make your cousin go home. Working in Bodacious Deepthink's mines is worse than anything."
    Didn't I feel small then? For even thinking I couldn't trust Stump, I mean. I was trying to figure out some way to thank him and also ask for their stone feather when a cannon blast stopped me cold. All of a sudden Stump could hardly catch a breath, and when he did manage to say something, his voice was raspy and low.
    "Don't say nothing on me," he begged. "Please."
    Of course the blasts hadn't been from a cannon but from Biz, sneezing. Clomping up to us, he planted his torch in the sand and said to Stump in a rushed squeak, "Jim Dandy wants you and that star hound of yours. He thinks he's on to something. Off that way."
    And Biz pointed toward the back side of the sandbar, the same place Stump had just sent Duke.

Twenty-six
King Biz Mossbottom

    "What are you looking at?" Biz grunt-squeaked.
    There