Icefall by Gillian Philip

there’s lots of things I never told you. Uh. I stole a bottle of blond hair dye one time, and I—’
    â€˜Jed. What did Laszlo say to you?’ Iolaire stroked his shoulder lightly, staring at his spine. Jed felt the vertebrae tense and contract under his lover’s gaze.
    Jed raised his eyebrows at Iolaire’s reflection. ‘Does it matter?’
    â€˜It seems to. What did he say as he died? Just tell me. Please.’
    Jed coughed a laugh. ‘It was nothing. Nothing .’
    â€˜No, it wasn’t.’
    â€˜All right.’ Jed shrugged. ‘He said, “Welcome to my world.”’
    â€˜Is that it?’ Iolaire took a step back, frowning. He bit his lip. ‘Look, Laszlo was winding you up. He knew your weak spots. He knew how much Skinshanks riled you, he knew how you felt about that. He was just trying to—’
    â€˜I know what he was trying to do. I’m not stupid.’ Jed shook his head. As if that bothered him any more. It almost amused him to remember the angst he’d suffered, knowing the Lammyr had a soft spot for him, knowing Skinshanks had seen something in him worth nurturing. Knowing that every Sithe thought him Lammyr-turned and evil.
    And sure, as Laszlo had bled out in his arms, as the life in him had drained out down Jed’s blade, the man had said what he’d said in the hope of sending another poisoned dart into him. Jed knew perfectly well what Laszlo had intended by that remark. What a waste of a man’s last breath, when there was so much more to be said.
    Iolaire was watching his face, bewildered. ‘I wish you’d let me in your head.’
    â€˜I know.’ Jed sighed, then drew his lover close to kiss him gently.
    Iolaire gave him a wry grin as he pulled away. ‘Sometimes I could kick Seth hard in the balls for what he did to you. Messing with your brain. You’ll never trust any of us again, will you?’
    â€˜Of course I will. I do. And I don’t think, you know…’ Jed chewed his lip. ‘I don’t think that was entirely Seth’s fault.’
    â€˜Say what ? Catch me before I fall.’
    â€˜It’s as much to do with me, I think. I don’t think Seth planned it. It just happened. ’Cause he could feel my mind without even trying, really. He’s told me so.’
    Iolaire shrugged. ‘So you have a little Sithe blood. Who doesn’t?’
    â€˜Not much. Maybe a little bit, way, way back.’
    â€˜And even then, Seth had no business screwing up your mind.’ Iolaire’s brow creased. ‘ What ?’
    Jed blew out a breath and slumped onto the edge of the bed. ‘Can I make a confession?’
    Iolaire sat down beside him, silent.
    â€˜I might have asked for it ,’ Jed told him, avoiding his eyes. ‘Seth always said my mind was sort of … leaky. He said he could hardly help what he did.’
    â€˜Aye. Excuses. Sometimes Seth makes me—’
    â€˜You don’t get it.’ Jed shook his head sharply.
    â€˜No, I don’t, and I never truly will, because you won’t let me near your head. So, you know, that kind of makes it your responsibility.’ Iolaire spoke through his teeth. ‘To fucking tell me. ’
    He could have said nothing better suited to making this a hundred times worse. Jed put his head in his hands. ‘The times Seth was in my head. The times I was in his. That wasn’t the last … it’s not the last time my mind’s gone, uh … walkabout.’
    Iolaire turned. There was a light of unbearable hurt in his eyes and Jed wished he hadn’t been the one to put it there.
    â€˜Not deliberately. That’s the thing. It’s a bit, kind of, out of control. Just once in a while. Like when—’
    â€˜Oh Jesus,’ said Iolaire, paling. ‘No. Not him. Not him, Jed, when you won’t let me—’
    â€˜Like when Laszlo died.’ Jed raised