Icon of the Indecisive by Mina V. Esguerra

Robbie heard himself say, "Yeah, because no one's ever cheated before."
    He didn't know what the deal was between Quin and Diego again. Normally Robbie didn't get involved, but obviously his involvement was mandatory in this particular instance. He had been in love with Hannah for so long, too long, and was so close , for it to get all screwed up.
    "Why are you telling me this?" he asked Diego.
    It looked like Diego knew that he'd been turned. "Lovestruck kids. Maybe I like helping." 
     

Chapter 22
     
    It was past ten. 
    Almost five hours of waiting.
    Of sitting here, on a bench of chipped wood, waiting for Robbie Carlos to finish practice. It didn't seem to be regular practice. None of the graduating seniors were there, and most of the guys I had never seen before. Maybe it was tryouts? Pre tryouts? I didn't know, but they took forever.
    And then when they headed off to the showers, I thought the wait was over. But then, an hour later, only seven guys got out. And eight had gone in.
    He knew I was just there though. It was impossible not to see me, and that I'd been sitting there long enough to take root on the bench.
    Seriously? Was there a secret shower exit?
    I pushed myself off the bench and went right for the men's locker room.
    It wasn't pretty, by the way, the men's locker room. It was humid and still smelled of sweat, even though this was supposedly a place where people washed that all away with soap. It s layout was the mirror image of the girls' shower rooms, so I had to reorient myself. Turned right to head toward the row of showers. 
    "Robbie?" I yelled.
    Near the end of the hall, a locker door slammed shut. And Robbie was there, all done with his shower, not yet dressed, towel around his waist.
    "You shouldn't be in here," he said.
    "No one else will mind," I said.
    "Hannah, you should go."
    "You know how long I was out there, right? Can I just say something?"
    He was so hurt. I wish I didn't know how much, but I could feel it.
    "I'm sorry," I said. "It's still true though. Quin is just my friend. We're not together, and we never were."
    "But that's not the point, is it?" And when he said that it was like he read my mind, because that was precisely what I was hoping he wouldn't latch onto. "Would you be with him if you had the choice?"
    If he were less sharp, less astute, he wouldn't be Robbie, and why would I even like that version of him? 
    "There was a time when I really wanted to be him, yes," I said. "But everyone has someone like that, Robbie. I wish I could tell you how I know that but I just do. Let's be realistic. Sometimes there are just people we want but aren't supposed to be with. We're supposed to move on and have better relationships anyway."
    I practiced this. I felt that he'd be a guy, an applied math major, a reasonable person about this. That he wouldn't believe it if I went with tears and promises, so I decided to go with the brutal truth. 
    It was impossible for every single person to be with the one they wanted. Just, it can't be done. Maybe we'd be happier if we accepted this.
    As soon as I said it and I felt his pain grow, I felt awful at the miscalculation. 
    And this was why I wasn't an applied math major.  
    But I was a psych major though, so maybe the error just became so much worse.
    "But you were the one I wanted to be with, Hannah," Robbie said, quietly. "I never told you this, but I've thought, longed, dreamed about you for a long time. I'm sorry but just thinking now of being with someone else, I can't do it. I can't look at someone else and tell them I care about them when I still feel this way about you. I don't think you should do it to me."
    The tears came anyway, the same ones I thought he wouldn't want to see.
    "You're right," I said. And I had to say it again because the first time was muffled by my crying, and I couldn't leave without him hearing it properly.
    "Please leave."
    And I did. Because there was the truth in this situation, and the right thing to say,