In Memoriam by Suzanne Jenkins

we were actually thinking about calling Marcus Brent. We were waiting to get everyone here to get Mom’s approval.” Lisa looked at Pam. “What do you think?”
    Pam put her hand to her mouth and gave a little nod of her head.
    “ My son is Brent’s baby,” Sandra finally said softly. “He looks like Megan and Miranda because he has the same genes.”
    Lisa stopped fussing with the straps. Her body language spoke volumes as she stepped back, looking down at the baby. He was awake, jamming his fists in his mouth. Pam could see Jack in him from across the room.
    “You’re kidding, right?” Lisa said. A flush had worked its way up her neck and across her cheeks. “My brother got you pregnant. Just like that.”
    “Not exactly, not just like that ,” Sandra said, trying desperately not to sound defensive. She knew what she said now would be the story she’d stick with for the rest of her life, the story that the baby would grow up knowing, that might shape the way he felt about himself and his father’s family. It would squeeze virtuous lies out of the whole, ugly truth. “We just connected on his first visit back after he and Julie broke up. It wasn’t premeditated; it simply happened.”
    Lisa picked up Megan and went to Gladys. “Mum, let’s trade kids, okay? I’m not sure how much comprehension we have going on here,” she said, handing Megan off and taking Marcus in her place. “Noni, will you and Bernice excuse us? Keep an eye out for Miranda? Come with me, Mom and Sandra, if you’d please.”
    Pam hid her pleasure at Lisa’s take-charge demeanor. Either she’d learned from her mother’s mistakes or her character was developing. In any event, Pam forgot for just a second that she had every reason in the world to be sad. She couldn’t wait to hear what Lisa would say.
    Sandra and Pam followed Lisa down a narrow stairway into an older part of the house. The den was formerly a television room Ed had used. Pam had no way of knowing it was also where Dan and Lisa had sex for the first time a year before, with Ed sleeping in the room above.
    “Have a seat,” Lisa said, pointing to the couch. She sat in a chair and unselfconsciously pulled her T-shirt up, unhooking her lacy nursing bra, and let Marcus Brent latch on while Sandra watched her, a combination of admiration for Lisa’s poise, and jealousy. Lisa could nurse her baby because she wasn’t HIV positive.
    “Mother, I take it you knew about this.”
    Pam put her hands up in surrender. “Hey, I just found out myself.”
    “I spent the evening with Brent before he died,” Lisa said, fighting tears. “It was heartfelt, intimate. He told me he was in love with Julie and was going there to confront her parents, to offer to make restitution for the money they spent sending her out to California, to apologize and reinstate their engagement. He never mentioned you. As a matter of fact, he talked a blue streak about going to work at Lang, following in Dad’s footsteps. But not a word about you.”
    Sandra was embarrassed; she wanted the baby to be ushered into the family joyously. Lisa’s words rankled, and she bit her tongue, determined not to alienate either Lisa or Pam. She needed them, especially Pam.
    “We’d agreed we’d keep our relationship a secret,” Sandra said, breaking the silence. “I had so much to lose because if Tom left me, I could lose Miranda. My life revolves around her.” Although not exactly true, Virginia Adams had more interaction with Miranda than Sandra did. But that would soon change. “I was more worried about your mom finding out,” Sandra said, looking directly at Pam. “I didn’t see how I could tell you I was in love with your son after, well, after everything we’d been through.”
    “Mother, what do you think of all of this?”
    Pam was thinking about what Sandra had just said… everything they’d been through . Lisa didn’t know that Sandra lost a baby that had been Jack’s. Lisa’s half-sister.