In the Shadow of Angels: The Guardian Series 1 by Fanny Lee Savage Page B

times to talk to me, asking what I remembered from the accident. He said it was such a tragedy, how Emily had died.
    “I don't remember anything,” I lied. I told him nothing of my desperate screams for Emily, of seeing her lifeless body twisted and broken in the vehicle.
    To this day I say nothing of the hard hand’s soothing me, of the gray eyes and the calm I felt in them. Nothing of the soft fingers delicately stroking my lips. I never speak of Emily’s cruel words and the mad light in her eye as she jerked the car toward the trees. I keep silent, never telling anyone that my twin had tried to kill me.

Chapter Nine
     
    After my roadside meltdown, Henri follows me back to the SUV, and we continue to drive the rest of the way to the airstrip in silence. There is nothing to say. He knows that Emily died on the small stretch of road near our childhood home. He knows I ran away, trying to forget. A person could guess at the demons within me. It is obvious I still battle them. What he doesn’t know are the secrets I covet. No one knows of the black places that lay hidden.
    I fled five years ago, in hopes to escape Emily, to escape Daddy’s grief. He will never know what his daughter had done. My home was destroyed; my childhood memories warped. But I ran in vain. She follows me wherever I go. Her face stares back at me every morning, her eyes, my eyes, reminding me of my silence. She had waged a battle against me, one I never knew I was supposed to fight. My twin had hated me. Enough to drive off the road in a last desperate attempt to win the boy that left us. I can’t comprehend her actions. I doubt I ever will.
    As I stand next to Henri, I think of the boy that started a chain reaction, a series of events that played out in the dark corners of my twin’s mind. I can’t help but think of her accusations. I have spent a good portion of the last five years replaying that night, picking apart my childhood, trying to find the evidence that proved what she said was true. I unpack the boxes her memories are stored in and reexamine every detail. Most of the time, it hurts too bad, so I leave it be. But as hard as I try, I can’t see it. Only the bleak places and empty spaces our mother left.
    As a boy, Henri had always treated Emily and I equally. He loved us, but at some point it began to change. I can’t look back and pinpoint the exact moment. But, it was long before he first took me to the mill. Before his soft kiss. Emily must have been devastated. Even with her betrayal, even after her attempt on my life, I couldn’t hate her. I had spent so many years prior trying to despise my sister; only to fail. Maybe if I had tried to understand, my sister would be alive today. My memories of her wouldn’t be stained red.
    Somehow I have come to stand with the man that haunted my life, ruined my sister, and not to mention, stole my mother. I am about to board a plane that will take me to the very woman that has wrecked my mind, leaving me with so many issues I don’t even know where to begin to heal myself. I am to travel to see her so she could share secrets I never knew existed, only so she can leave me again. This time forever. 
    I look at Henri. His hair shines bright in the sun, the long shadows of the afternoon playing over his face. He had turned Emily away. His inability to love her the way she wanted had destroyed her. I wonder if maybe I was no different; he destroyed parts of me as well, yet I stand, the victor of Emily’s silent war.
    Dr. Gregory told me that survivor’s guilt was common after what I have experienced. There is guilt. But, it’s not just pain over being the only person to walk away from the charred ruins of that night. That is not what turns a single glass of wine into an entire bottle. What haunts me, what makes Emily plague my dreams, is the relief I felt when I knew I was to live.
     
    ----------
     
    The French mountain air is exactly as I imagined it would be. Crisp, light, and earthy.