In Vino Veritas by J. M. Gregson

show.’
    â€˜This is one occasion when you should be. It’s a recognition of your achievement. A chance for your family to share in your triumph.’
    â€˜You’re getting this out of proportion. It’s an Open University BA. That’s not a triumph. It’s a decent achievement, alongside hundreds of other people.’
    â€˜It is a triumph,’ said Eleanor firmly. ‘Considering how you’ve had to study, fitting it in around a variable load of CID work, never being certain when you’d have time to work at this and when you wouldn’t, it’s a terrific achievement. I know that. The boys know that, for all their joking. We want to see the formal recognition of what you’ve achieved.’
    As if responding to a cue, Jack and Luke made a robust entry at this point, sounding as usual like a regiment descending the stairs. ‘It’s all right for you to read that!’ said Eleanor, as her elder son seized on the letter, which had drifted to the floor.
    â€˜Open University Graduation Ceremony, May the thirteenth,’ Jack announced to his brother.
    â€˜Oh, great, Dad!’ said Luke enthusiastically. ‘Will we be able to photograph you wearing one of those daft hats?’
    â€˜If you’re thinking of that comedian receiving an honorary doctorate at the University of Northampton,’ said his father testily, ‘I’m afraid I don’t qualify for anything so lofty or so freakish. I’m merely a Bachelor of Arts, not a doctor.’
    â€˜A distinction which you have thoroughly earned, rather than one awarded for no academic achievement whatsoever,’ said Eleanor stoutly.
    â€˜No daft hat?’ said Luke in undisguised disappointment.
    â€˜No daft hat,’ said his father firmly.
    â€˜Most of the graduates I’ve seen in pictures seem to have mortar boards,’ said Jack thoughtfully. ‘I think a mortar board on you might look quite daft enough for us.’
    â€˜Not as good as bright green with a big tassel, though.’ Luke refused to be consoled. ‘Any chance of you going on to become a doctor, do you think, Dad?’
    â€˜None whatsoever. The next graduates in this family will be you and Jack.’
    â€˜Don’t rely on it, Dad. I fancy being an interesting drop-out,’ said Jack provocatively. ‘Stripped to the waist with a guitar, I should think. Driven to new heights of performance by banned substances.’ He eyed his mother surreptitiously, but for once she refused to be drawn by his lurid provocation.
    â€˜If you want any breakfast, you’d better cease these ridiculous imaginings and get on with real life,’ Eleanor said firmly.
    â€˜The local press will be interested in this,’ said young Luke with relish. ‘Sort of “Dull copper reveals hidden depths of scholarship” line.’
    Jack’s eyes lit up. ‘You’re right, Luke. “Sherlock lurks within the village bobby” stuff. I’m sure you and I will get together some interesting copy for the media if we give our minds to it tonight. You got any plans to retire to the south coast and keep bees, Dad?’
    â€˜None whatsoever. I’m going in to the station now to continue the task of keeping crime off our streets. Of making them safe for cheeky young scoundrels like you two!’
    Jack nodded his fifteen-year-old approval. ‘Good on yer, Dad! You’d better think what you’re going to say to local radio, though. They’re sure to want an interview, after Luke and I have finished as your PR men. I should think television and the national press will be on to it pretty quickly, after we’ve made our first releases.’
    â€˜If I hear that you’ve said a word to anyone, there’ll be trouble!’ said Bert, with as much menace as he could muster.
    Eleanor followed him out to his car. ‘You’ve got to go to the graduation ceremony,’ she said