Inbox Full of Crazy by Chris-Rachael Oseland Page B

St. Louis
County. There are dozens of different municipalities in St. Louis County. Such
a governmental structure ensures that the government does not get in the way of
our plans. Any attempt to unite the City and County governments will be looked
upon by the Union with disfavor.

In specific response to your posting:

Obviously the inflatable bouncy castle is a temporary fortress, designed to
keep away prying eyes. Like any good evil genius, you have carefully omitted a
few things from your list of materials – namely, alcohol and structural timber.
Your cunning plan is to build a catapult or a trebuchet and fling jello shots
across the greater metro area with it. The local has provisionally approved
this plan pending your paperwork being filled out – were you already a member of
a local in Chicago or Louisville? If so, let me know, as the transfer form is
much less time consuming. Union dues are reasonable – bringing a bottle of wine
to meetings, in order to share it over board games.

It appears that we have compatible aims and methods, and would delight in
sharing some of St. Louis’ secrets with a fellow criminal mastermind.
    ~*~
    Been to the City Museum yet? I'd consider that one of the best reasons for
staying in St. Louis. Might even give you some good ideas for redecorating/expanding
you lair.

Have you heard the good news? A new Discworld novel is coming out soon!

I'd go for genetically engineered leafcutter ants over army ants. That way you
can train 'em to grow a mind-control fungus.
    ~*~
    I'm so glad you're excited to be here. We're excited you're here, too! When the
city falls to your might, I want you to remember I was the first one to welcome
our future master. I would love to get to meet you, and talk about what
kind of activities you're interested in outside world conquest. I'd invite you
to get some Indian food, but that might be seen as an attempt to curry favor.
:P

If you're interested in pub trivia, that's something
we have a lot of. (Pardon me: that's something of which we have a lot.) Right
now, I'm doing it once or twice a week, including this one.

Also, game nights are a big activity for me. Settlers
of Catan is usually just the warm-up.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning more about
you. Where are you from originally? From where did you get your degrees?

Let me know if you'd like to meet over an amusing
meal. I'm happy to oblige. And feel free to ask me anything that piques your
interest from my profile. Or anything you might imagine to be the case. I
imagine that you have a vivid imagination.

Have fun. Take care! Talk to you soon, I hope.

The Good Ones: Best of Zombies
    The Criminal Mastermind ad wasn't my only attempt at mixing things up while
keeping it geeky. Reading through chapters like WWJD...With His Cock could give
you an unfortunately biased view of the dating pool. Therefore, I once more
want to share some absolutely excellent examples of first contact emails.

These guys can write, are interesting, and clearly paid attention to my
profile. I was utterly delighted to hear from every single one of them. After
some email correspondence, few of these awesome messages resulted in actual
dates due to heavy smoking, too much of an age difference, conflicting
ideological views, them being married, or a lack of similar interests outside zombies.
This surprised me. I had a lot better luck with the Evil Overlord challenge.
You're welcome to contemplate why overlords seeking a nemesis were better at
dating than zombie lovers.

However, I want to make it clear to the world that even if you list very
specific requirements, there are people out there who really can fulfill them.
I only had this version of my profile up for a few days. Imagine if I'd left it
that way for a few months. I might still be slogging through undead hordes. Be
bold. Be daring. Be funny. If you really put yourself out there, the worst that
can happen is you'll get a couple random dick pics. You were going to