Indian Country Noir (Akashic Noir) by Sarah Cortez;Liz Martinez

Grandpa in my head. So I said, Am I done? Is the
blood and the duty part of my life over?
    You're not that special.

    Ideas burst out of the little boxes I'd tried keeping them
locked up in. They chased each other around in my head like
mice running from a cat, and the circle of my little life suddenly grew bigger. Medicine Snake Woman. Monsters. Dead
people in my head. A burden of duty. I got a little cold thinking about how lucky I'd been, with Grandpa in my head and
Medicine Snake Woman being there to give me a way to come
out on top. And then I was cold as the far side of the moon,
thinking of Great-Grandpa all alone on high steel against
something like that. And Grandpa, going down, then Dad,
never getting the chance to even fight, having to watch me
come to his grave searching for answers and not being able to
give me any.
    Then I remembered it wasn't Grandpa talking. It was the
damned snake.
    "What the hell are you?" My question echoed in the big
empty train station, and I looked to the tunnel entrances for
someone new to come into my life.
    That's your animal spirit, boy. Snake. Must be the white man
part of you.
    Grandpa.
    I gave a look back into that snake's eye. Why?
    Gift from Medicine Snake Woman. Consider it your love
child.
    I pushed myself up and saw her standing on the platform
edge smiling at me, though her face was bruised. She favored
one leg and kept her hands behind her back.
    "Thanks-" I started to say, but she was already gone.
    And then I remembered, she'd already said, "You're
welcome."
    The snake curled around me, gave me a squeeze. I saw
stars. Python, boa constrictor, I couldn't decide. But after the thing finished hugging and sliding over me, I felt a lot better,
though by the end the snake was down to the size of a string I
could tie around my finger.

    I picked up the little snake, which wriggled in my palm,
and asked it, "How did you know that stuff about my father
and grandpa?"
    Of course, there was no answer. Still, I was grateful. For a
little while.
    Medicine Snake Woman was already fading from my
heart. She was dead, at least to my flesh-and-blood heart. I'd
done a good job killing and burying her. Pretty soon, the surprise and sorrow and pride I'd felt knowing what happened to
my ancestors would slide off of me too. Because nothing sticks
with me, not for long.
    But the circle I was running in was still bigger. My life
was taking a turn. I figured maybe I'd finally found that path
Grandpa liked to talk about, yet the crossroads I was bound to
run into looked like it was going to be serious trouble, if this
monster was just the start. But I was sure the snake was going
to come in handy.
    Just shows you can't always be right.
    I talked to the pale string of wriggling meat in my palm.
"So you're supposed to be my guide, my medicine, my healer?
White snake for the white man in me. Very funny. So what do
you have to say, Snake? You and Grandpa. Who am I? What
am I here for? What's next?"
    It wasn't one voice that answered, but two, both in my
head. Yeah, I was on the path, all right, walking through high
places and sure to see more and bigger monsters in days to
come. And for a long time to come, I knew I'd be hearing
Snake and Grandpa saying just what they said when I asked
them all those stupid questions: You ain't that special.

     



Ontario, Canada
    'm impressed you showed up," says Mrs. Saunders.
"Thanks." I look behind her for my boys. I'm not here to
fight. I'm here to take my boys out.
    "I kept them in their rooms. I didn't want them to be disappointed." She lets her voice drift off, and I'm sixteen again,
and Noelle and me are shooting up till nothing else matters.
I shake that off. Noelle's dead, her mother's standing in the
doorway, blocking me from seeing my sons, and as their dad,
I'm not going to let her.
    Mrs. Saunders shades her eyes. It's October in Cornwall,
Ontario, so the sun's not blinding her. She's making a point.