Jade by Olivia Rigal

anxious.
    Friday, before the crack of dawn she comes to my room and wakes me up. She’s shaking like a leaf, and she’s so upset that she can’t even speak. There are no tears in her eyes but so much pain it breaks my heart. I sit on my bed with my back to the wall, and make her lie down with her head on my lap. I know not to touch her head, as it’s a disrespectful gesture but I also know that she needs physical contact, so, instead of holding her, I just rest my hand on her shoulder, and make soothing noises until she falls asleep.
    In less than a week, she got to me. She’s sweet and attentive to others, and smart as well. I like her a lot. 
    But then I’m not sure I should get close to her when I remember the look of bliss on her face as she was pressing herself against Oliver’s back on the motorcycle. 
    I know now that she’s been adopted by one of the Americans who work at the mine. I know that none of them would let their teenage daughter have an affair with one of their co-workers no matter what her past may have been like. I’ve heard of ten year old prostitutes, and I hope that Chanlina did not have to sell her body to survive. But even if she did, it would not make it right for her to have sex with anyone else but someone of her own age group.   
    I fall asleep upright, praying that Oliver looks at her as an uncle or an older brother. Please, please, please let him love her like that.
    A few hours later, a nudge to my shoulder wakes me up. Oliver is standing in front of me with a worried look on his face. He questions me silently by looking at Chanlina, and then at me. 
    “She’s alright,” I whisper to him. “She’s been having a bad dream. She sees her father in a mining accident.”
    The look of relief on his face shows how much he cares about her. The jealous monster that has been sleeping in my heart is waking up and then it vanishes in a puff of smoke when Oliver’s lips brush mine, while he leans over to scoop Chanlina up in his arms.
    He says to her, “Hey, baby girl. Look. I’m here, I’m safe and all in one piece.” 
    She opens her eyes, and smiles at him. 
    Never in my life have I been happier to see a daughter hug her father back. 
     
    ❦
     
    While Oliver whisks his daughter away, I make a run for my pond. Today it’s pouring again, but there’s no lightning or thunder. As long as I stay out of the part where the current is getting stronger, I’ll be safe. 
    I let myself sink slowly into the fresh water and try to make sense of the way I feel. It’s a new exercise for me. I don’t mean that I was uncaring before - I did try to pay attention to what my family deems important, such as birthdays and holidays - but I was just going through the motions because it was expected of me. I did not truly care, and would have been just as happy to be totally isolated from them. Feelings were not an important part of my life. Well, as long as I had Agatha. 
    It seems that Oliver has turned me into a new person, and that there’re a lot of things I have to sort through, now. Strangely, the loud rushing sound of the cascade helps me to do that. It has a calming effect on me.
    I’m very happy that Oliver’s back and safe; Chanlina’s nightmares were taking a toll on me. I’m also delighted that his relationship with Chanlina is a chaste one. What I feel here is relief. 
    But I can’t seem to wrap my mind around this new aspect of Oliver. He has a daughter who is barely younger than me. How old is he, anyway? He can’t be more than thirty. Has he adopted her legally? He must have if he’s sending her to live with his mother in Florida. He must at least have obtained a long-term student visa for her. 
    And then it hits me: why should I care about that, anyway? It’s not like either one of us committed to anything. I’m only going to be here for a few more weeks, and then I’ll fly back home while he’ll either stay here, or move on to another mining site.
    I wish I was