just_a_girl by Kirsten Krauth

your dad live up there?
    —Yeah, he lives in Surfers.
    —How long have you been going up there?
    —Since I was a little kid. We do lots of stuff together. Movie World and cafes and shopping and movies.
    —Does he get along with your mum?
    There’s a pause as we wait for the traffic lights. When the green man flickers I decide on truth.
    —Yeah, they don’t really talk at all. Haven’t really since he left.
    —My mum and dad don’t either. And they’re still together! Hey, that’s my train coming! Gotta run, Byeeeeeeeeee.
    Marco smiles goodbye and sprints. Springs over the fence with the style. That only long legs can bring. I wave, hoping my sunnies will stay on. He squeezes through as the doors are closing. The guard blows her whistle. And I wonder.
    I wonder whether his father touches him. The way he just touched me.

    I like hooking up with guys online. There are no boys at my high school I’m into. Davo’s starting to wear thin. Even though he’s 18 now. I need more brainpower. And I get to test them out on the net. I like the conversation. You can reveal more. When there’s a screen between you and them.
    Marco has got potential. But it’s complicated. Always complicated. I’d have to work around his dad. And his school is way up the mountain.
    Anyway. I don’t believe in just one boyfriend. The more you try out the better. I’m not going to be like mum. Spending my whole life. Pining for just one guy. But when the tables are turned. Nobody likes being dumped. Being played. But you have to go through the motions. It’s better to shoot them before they shoot you.
    You can tell a lot from chatting. Mum lets me have the laptop in my room for homework. She has no idea of what I really get up to. The internet means I can play with myself. In all kinds of ways. Become another version of Layla. I love the first chats with a stranger. You never know what you’re gonna get. Like there’s this guy I really like. He’s been messaging me for over a year now. youami33. Fuckadoodle, how he makes me laugh. When I hear the bling of an incoming message my heart stumbles and swoops. He reckons he’s a music producer. Has worked with some bands like Wolfmother. But I have my doubts. For starters he lives in Newcastle.
    But he’s hilarious. When we first chatted he pretended to be a girl. But he’s got no idea. I checked out his profile. His photo is of a naked girl. Wrapped up in the slippery slopes of a boa constrictor. Now, no girl my age would choose that pic. Mine is of me from the side. In a big stetson and yellow sunnies. You can’t really see me and that’s the point. But he sends me some great demo music for my iPod. And he’s not into all that boring chatroom sex. If anything I play around with him more. I want to know what makes him tick.
    just_a_girl: cum on tell me what do u look like
    youami33: I’m average build, average height, mousy brown hair, blue eyes, you know, average. I like to play chess on my computer and watch men throwing balls around on the weekend.
    just_a_girl: so u r basically a nerd+ur gay:-)
    youami33: Yes I guess to the former, no to the latter. Why would I be chatting to you every night? How old are you anyway?
    just_a_girl: only ever tell u that in person a girls got 2 have some secrets
    youami33: Does your mum know that you come into my bedroom every night?
    just_a_girl: she thinks im doing my homework but shes at church now she even goes on wednesdays i had to talk her out of getting a babysitter i think i must be adopted:-)
    youami33: LOL How is your doggie going?
    just_a_girl: he just sits on my feet+doesn’t move much hes 84 in dog years doesnt want 2 go 4 walks any more
    youami33: Yeah, I’m more a cat person myself. I have two Burmese that my ex left behind when she ran off with the milkman – Jolie and Pitt.
    just_a_girl: LOL u called yr cats after Brangelina u must be gay! i didnt no milkmen even existed
    youami33: No, either did I. His name was Mike and he was a