Keeping Pace by Dee Carney

here.”
    I didn’t know how to answer him. What words would placate his tumultuous feelings? My hesitation must have lasted too long. His voice resigned, he said, “I’m going to run a few errands and probably go catch that exhibit.” The one he’d asked me to see with him. The one I’d avoided. “I’ll see you later.”
    After he dropped his hands, my arms stung with the memory of his grip. Still, I didn’t move as he walked away from me. Only when I heard the front door opening and shutting a few minutes later did it occur to me he’d left me alone.

Chapter Nine
    Josh didn’t come back the rest of the day, and I missed him fiercely. Every time I went to call his cell phone, I tried to think of what I would say, and nothing came to me.
    Lou was no threat to him. Not even by a long shot. That ship had sailed, and I wasn’t on it. On Monday I’d let Lou down in no uncertain terms, but Josh wouldn’t be there to hear that part. He’d left knowing I hadn’t claimed him when I should have.
    While I wanted to apologize to him, at the same time I questioned why I should. Could I help it that I remained uncertain about our relationship? We had sex—lots and lots of sex—and we talked. We shared our days and often our dreams. But I felt as if we were missing something between us. Some undefined thing that solidified our relationship into something more.
    I’d allowed myself to enjoy him, knowing we’d never make it a serious romance. I’d wanted to have fun and that was all this was supposed to be. Harmless fun.
    The day dragged on, thoughts of Josh plaguing me all the while. I tried to tell myself that we needed this break, and it would be better for us in the long run. From almost the first day, we’d been attached at the hip, and that couldn’t be healthy. But when I’d climbed into bed that night, the sheets smelling of him, the empty feeling in my belly intensified. How silly was that? After a single day away from him, I felt more alone than I had in a very long time. Only the fact he’d still left me with his usual gift of two roses propped against the back door dulled my sadness somewhat.
    The sound of the doorbell followed by insistent knocking woke me. “Are you shitting me?” I mumbled as I glanced at the clock. It was somewhere around o’dark-thirty, and someone wanted me? Now?
    Still grumbling, I didn’t bother with the robe over my cotton nightgown. Someone had better be dead or dying to have woken me up at this hour. Falling asleep without Josh next to me had taken a small miracle, and a curse on the person who got me up before the sun rose on a weekend.
    Blinking away grit, I peered through the peephole, trying to get my swimming vision to focus. I swore it looked like Josh on the other side of the door, but it had to be some sort of wish fulfillment.
    I unlocked the door and pulled it open. “Josh? Is something wrong?”
    “Hey.” Finger-combed hair and a light smattering of stubble along his jaw suggested hastiness to come over here.
    My pounding heart raced harder as I studied him. What once was adrenaline from being startled awake, slowly, subtly shifted into powerful surges of excitement caused now from just the sight of this man. I only had to look into his smoky eyes, still drowsy soft, and my heart found a new beat.
    “Hey yourself,” I replied.
    “I wasn’t sure if our sunrise date was still on, Mrs. Pace, so I took a chance.”
    I frowned. “Our sunrise…” It took me a minute to recall, but then I remembered the other night when I’d been suffering from insomnia. The date he’d asked for. I smiled. “I’d like it if we’re still on.”
    He wore a pair of gray sweatpants with another T-shirt from his collection. This one was a little snug, the cotton stretching over his form until the definition drew my attention from the rest of him. I loved looking at him and would gladly pay dear money to cop a feel or two while I did so. Once again I had to question why God