Lady Windermere's Fan by Oscar Wilde Page B

should
find life much more simple.
    LORD DARLINGTON. You allow of no exceptions?
    LADY WINDERMERE. None!
    LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, what a fascinating Puritan you are, Lady
Windermere!
    LADY WINDERMERE. The adjective was unnecessary, Lord Darlington.
    LORD DARLINGTON. I couldn't help it. I can resist everything
except temptation.
    LADY WINDERMERE. You have the modern affectation of weakness.
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Looking at her.)
It's only an affectation, Lady
Windermere.
    (Enter PARKER C.)
    PARKER. The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle.
    (Enter the DUCHESS OF BERWICK and LADY AGATHA CARLISLE C.)
    (Exit PARKER C.)
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
(Coming down C., and shaking hands.)
Dear
Margaret, I am so pleased to see you. You remember Agatha, don't
you?
(Crossing L.C.)
How do you do, Lord Darlington? I won't let
you know my daughter, you are far too wicked.
    LORD DARLINGTON. Don't say that, Duchess. As a wicked man I am a
complete failure. Why, there are lots of people who say I have
never really done anything wrong in the whole course of my life.
Of course they only say it behind my back.
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Isn't he dreadful? Agatha, this is Lord
Darlington. Mind you don't believe a word he says.
(LORD
DARLINGTON crosses R.C.)
No, no tea, thank you, dear.
(Crosses
and sits on sofa.)
We have just had tea at Lady Markby's. Such
bad tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I wasn't at all
surprised. Her own son-in-law supplies it. Agatha is looking
forward so much to your ball to-night, dear Margaret.
    LADY WINDERMERE.
(Seated L.C.)
Oh, you mustn't think it is going
to be a ball, Duchess. It is only a dance in honour of my
birthday. A small and early.
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Standing L.C.)
Very small, very early, and very
select, Duchess.
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
(On sofa L.)
Of course it's going to be
select. But we know THAT, dear Margaret, about YOUR house. It is
really one of the few houses in London where I can take Agatha, and
where I feel perfectly secure about dear Berwick. I don't know
what society is coming to. The most dreadful people seem to go
everywhere. They certainly come to my parties—the men get quite
furious if one doesn't ask them. Really, some one should make a
stand against it.
    LADY WINDERMERE.
I
will, Duchess. I will have no one in my
house about whom there is any scandal.
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(R.C.)
Oh, don't say that, Lady Windermere. I
should never be admitted!
(Sitting.)
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Oh, men don't matter. With women it is
different. We're good. Some of us are, at least. But we are
positively getting elbowed into the corner. Our husbands would
really forget our existence if we didn't nag at them from time to
time, just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right to do
so.
    LORD DARLINGTON. It's a curious thing, Duchess, about the game of
marriage—a game, by the way, that is going out of fashion—the
wives hold all the honours, and invariably lose the odd trick.
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK. The odd trick? Is that the husband, Lord
Darlington?
    LORD DARLINGTON. It would be rather a good name for the modern
husband.
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly depraved
you are!
    LADY WINDERMERE. Lord Darlington is trivial.
    LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, don't say that, Lady Windermere.
    LADY WINDERMERE. Why do you TALK so trivially about life, then?
    LORD DARLINGTON. Because I think that life is far too important a
thing ever to talk seriously about it.
(Moves up C.)
    DUCHESS OF BERWICK. What does he mean? Do, as a concession to my
poor wits, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really
mean.
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Coming down back of table.)
I think I had
better not, Duchess. Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found
out. Good-bye!
(Shakes hands with DUCHESS.)
And now—
(goes up
stage)
Lady Windermere, good-bye. I may come to-night, mayn't I?
Do let me come.
    LADY WINDERMERE.
(Standing up stage with LORD DARLINGTON.)
Yes,
certainly. But you are not to say foolish, insincere things to
people.
    LORD