Lady Windermere's Fan by Oscar Wilde

First Act
*
    SCENE
    Morning-room of Lord Windermere's house in Carlton House Terrace.
Doors C. and R. Bureau with books and papers R. Sofa with small
tea-table L. Window opening on to terrace L. Table R.
    (LADY WINDERMERE is at table R., arranging roses in a blue bowl.)
    (Enter PARKER.)
    PARKER. Is your ladyship at home this afternoon?
    LADY WINDERMERE. Yes—who has called?
    PARKER. Lord Darlington, my lady.
    LADY WINDERMERE.
(Hesitates for a moment.)
Show him up—and I'm
at home to any one who calls.
    PARKER. Yes, my lady.
    (Exit C.)
    LADY WINDERMERE. It's best for me to see him before to-night. I'm
glad he's come.
    (Enter PARKER C.)
    PARKER. Lord Darlington,
    (Enter LORD DARLINGTON C.)
    (Exit PARKER.)
    LORD DARLINGTON. How do you do, Lady Windermere?
    LADY WINDERMERE. How do you do, Lord Darlington? No, I can't
shake hands with you. My hands are all wet with these roses.
Aren't they lovely? They came up from Selby this morning.
    LORD DARLINGTON. They are quite perfect.
(Sees a fan lying on the
table.)
And what a wonderful fan! May I look at it?
    LADY WINDERMERE. Do. Pretty, isn't it! It's got my name on it,
and everything. I have only just seen it myself. It's my
husband's birthday present to me. You know to-day is my birthday?
    LORD DARLINGTON. No? Is it really?
    LADY WINDERMERE. Yes, I'm of age to-day. Quite an important day
in my life, isn't it? That is why I am giving this party to-night.
Do sit down.
(Still arranging flowers.)
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Sitting down.)
I wish I had known it was your
birthday, Lady Windermere. I would have covered the whole street
in front of your house with flowers for you to walk on. They are
made for you.
(A short pause.)
    LADY WINDERMERE. Lord Darlington, you annoyed me last night at the
Foreign Office. I am afraid you are going to annoy me again.
    LORD DARLINGTON. I, Lady Windermere?
    (Enter PARKER and FOOTMAN C., with tray and tea things.)
    LADY WINDERMERE. Put it there, Parker. That will do.
(Wipes her
hands with her pocket-handkerchief, goes to tea-table, and sits
down.)
Won't you come over, Lord Darlington?
    (Exit PARKER C.)
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Takes chair and goes across L.C.)
I am quite
miserable, Lady Windermere. You must tell me what I did.
(Sits
down at table L.)
    LADY WINDERMERE. Well, you kept paying me elaborate compliments
the whole evening.
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Smiling.)
Ah, nowadays we are all of us so hard
up, that the only pleasant things to pay ARE compliments. They're
the only things we CAN pay.
    LADY WINDERMERE.
(Shaking her head.)
No, I am talking very
seriously. You mustn't laugh, I am quite serious. I don't like
compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing
a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that
he doesn't mean.
    LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, but I did mean them.
(Takes tea which she
offers him.)
    LADY WINDERMERE.
(Gravely.)
I hope not. I should be sorry to
have to quarrel with you, Lord Darlington. I like you very much,
you know that. But I shouldn't like you at all if I thought you
were what most other men are. Believe me, you are better than most
other men, and I sometimes think you pretend to be worse.
    LORD DARLINGTON. We all have our little vanities, Lady Windermere.
    LADY WINDERMERE. Why do you make that your special one?
(Still
seated at table L.)
    LORD DARLINGTON.
(Still seated L.C.)
Oh, nowadays so many
conceited people go about Society pretending to be good, that I
think it shows rather a sweet and modest disposition to pretend to
be bad. Besides, there is this to be said. If you pretend to be
good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be
bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
    LADY WINDERMERE. Don't you WANT the world to take you seriously
then, Lord Darlington?
    LORD DARLINGTON. No, not the world. Who are the people the world
takes seriously? All the dull people one can think of, from the
Bishops down to the bores. I should like YOU to take me very
seriously, Lady Windermere,