Last Night at the Blue Angel by Rebecca Rotert

But thank you .
    Work ethic , said Mr. Miller to his paper.
    Come on , said Laura, and I followed her up the staircase. The wall along the stairs was covered with family photographs. In the newer ones, I searched for Laura and David. They were so similar—their lines, their ease, the way they seemed to be daring you to forget yourself when they looked at you—and I longed to be one of them or between them or close enough to take on their ways.
    In Laura’s room, which was yellow and white—the walls, the bedspread, the furniture—she hauled out an armful of dresses from her closet and threw them on the bed like excess was a nuisance she had to deal with every day.
    She picked up one dress after another, gripping the skirts, turning them this way and that, making piles. I didn’t know what sort of science was going on but Laura was quite serious about it.
    All right , she said, hands on her hips. Let’s try these first . She held a dress up to me and tilted her head.
    Well? she said.
    I looked at her.
    Your little smock?
    I didn’t move.
    Oh , for heaven’s sake , said Laura.
    Turn around , I said.
    I was frozen by my fear of her and by my desire, like I had to settle on one quick so I could proceed.
    Laura dropped the dress on the pile and stood in front of me.
    You’ve got to be kidding. You’re shy? she said.
    She unbuttoned my dress, pushed it off my shoulders. I pulled my arms out as fast as I could in order to cover my breasts.
    Don’t , she said, taking my wrists in her fingers and pulling my hands away. Let me look at you .
    I felt like she was seeing me in an entirely new light because of how David had looked at me. I slowly let my arms fall to my sides.
    Your brother was flirting with me .
    Laura slid my dress over my hips and it dropped to the floor.
    What does he know? she said. I’m the one who knows you .
    Then she touched my ribs and looked me in the eyes. She tilted her head and held her hand underneath my breast, as though to gauge the weight of it. I squeezed my legs together, like I could contain my body, which seemed to be running out, emptying.
    I’m sorry , she said, pulling her hand away suddenly and taking a step back.
    I turned to face the bed and the dresses piled there, I touched them, lifted the skirts just to see what was underneath. Tried to breathe. To stop myself.
    Laura stood beside me and our arms touched. I stepped behind her, putting my arms around her as she let her head fall back a little. I felt my breasts push against her back and pulled her tight to me. When I slid my hand up under her skirt, I heard her breath pull in like she might say something, but she didn’t. Her hipbone moved under my forearm, the little adjustment she had to make so she could open her legs wider. Heat came through her dress and she made a sound like some small thing was stuck and she couldn’t get it loose.
    Mrs. Miller walked across the floor downstairs. Her heels banged the old wood floor. Lunch , girls! she yelled, and Laura spun around to face me, her face flushed, electric. I grabbed her jaw gently and held it until she finally took a normal breath. And then I kissed her.
    Be right down , said Laura without taking her eyes off me.
    She picked up the dress. Lavender with blue flowers. Here .
    I held the dress and stared at her.
    Step into it like this , she said, opening the dress for me like a ring. She zipped it up and arranged it on my body. I stood in front of the mirror and watched as she put her face in my hair.
    You surprise me , she said.
    At that, I ran out of her room, down the stairs, and out the front door, the soft cotton of that full skirt dancing around my legs. The dogs chased me as far as the main road and stopped, exactly sure of just how far they could go.

CHAPTER 12
    S ISTER IDALIA WAS not in her room when I went there. There was a man chopping a cottonwood down by the creek, so I sat on Sister’s pail and watched him