Laughing Gas by P. G. Wodehouse Page A

peered cautiously out. I was curious to see where the dear old chap had landed. At the rate at which he had been travelling, it seemed incredible that he could still be in California, but to my surprise there he was, only a few yards away. I suppose he must have braked very quickly.
    With him was a girl in beige, and when she spoke I knew that this must be our recent caller. Presumably she had been starting to walk away, when that fearful yell had brought her back to get the news bulletin. Eggy was clutching at her arm, like a drowning man at a straw.
    I must say the girl's appearance surprised me a bit. From the tone of her voice and the general trend of her conversation I had somehow got the impression of somebody of the Beulah Brinkmeyer type, but she was quite pretty in, I admit, a rather austere kind of way. She looked like a vicar's daughter who plays hockey and ticks off the villagers when they want to marry their deceased wives' sisters.
    'Now what?' she said.
    Eggy continued to clutch at her arm.
    'Woof!' he said. 'In there '
    'What's in there?'
    'A ghastly imp's in there. It poked its head over the back of my chair - absolutely cheek by jowl — and said: "Eggy, old top, I've come for you, Eggy! " '
    'It did.'
    'You bet it did. "I've come for you, Eggy, old top," it said. Dashed familiar. I'd never met the little bounder in my life.'
    'You're sure it wasn't a pink rabbit?' 'No, no, no. It was an imp. Do you think I don't know an imp when I see one?' 'What sort of imp?'
    'The very worst type. I disliked it at first sight.' The girl pursed her lips. 'Well, I warned you.'
    'Yes, but how was I to know it was going to happen to me right away like that? It was the awful suddenness of the thing that jarred me. This cad of an imp just appeared. Without a word of warning.'
    'What did you expect it to do? Forward a letter of introduction?'
    ' "I've come for you, Eggy," it said. In a sort of hideous, leering way. "Yoo-hoo, Eggy," it said. "I've come for you, old sport." What ought I to do, do you think?'
    'Shall I tell you what you ought to do?'
    'That's what I want to know. It said:
    "Pip-pip,
    'There's only one thing to do. Come with me and put yourself in Sister Lora Luella Stott's hands.' 'Is she good about imps?' 'Imps are what she's best at.' 'And has she a cellar?' 'A what?'
    'Well, naturally I need a bracer. And I need it quick. It's no use my going to this Stott if she isn't likely to set 'em up.'
    The girl was staring at him incredulously.
    'You don't mean you're thinking of drinking liquor after what has happened?'
    'I never needed a snifter more in my life. Drink liquor? Of course I'm going to drink liquor. I'm going to suck it up in a bucket.'
    'You aren't going to swear off?'
    It was Eggy's turn to stare incredulously. The girl had spoken as if she couldn't believe her ears, and now he spoke as if he couldn't believe his.
    'Swear off? At a moment like this? When every nerve in my body has been wrenched from its moorings and tied in knots? What a perfectly fantastic idea! I can't understand an intelligent girl like you entertaining it. Have you overlooked the fact that all this has left me very, very shaken? My ganglions are vibrating like a jelly in a high wind. I don't believe you realize the sheer horror of the thing. "Eggy," it said, just like that, "here I am, Eggy, old bird...."*
    She gave a sort of despairing gesture, like a vicar's daughter who has discovered Erastianism in the village.
    'Well, go your own way. Act just as you please. It's your funeral....'
    'I do hate that expression.'
    'But when you want it - and you're going to want it pretty soon and mighty bad - remember that there is always a warm welcome waiting for you at the Temple of the New Dawn. No human flotsam and jetsam is so degraded that it cannot find a haven there.'
    She walked off, leaving Eggy flat. He, after looking at the bungalow in a hesitating sort of way, as if wondering if it would be safe to go back there and have another go at